Goodbye Love and Basketball

So today, I watched what I had always thought was the best movie ever...and I had a reality check. I will probably always love that movie but it is time to let go the influence it has upon me. Today, my eyes were opened!!!

1. Sanaa Lathan in the very first few minutes decides to become girlfriend to the guy who pushed her to the ground because he didn't want to lose a game. Given they were only 10 at the time, I can excuse it as the unmistakable 'he hits if you likes you', 'he chases you around the playground if he likes you', 'he steals your hat if he likes you' myths that are not only untrue but are painfully so. (Case in point: Mtandwa hit me on my back in primary school and I am still looking for that dude because somewhere in my head I think he liked me- this kind of behaviour should not be encouraged)
2. Omar Epps is the hot shot in high school and all the pretty girls want to be with him. Somehow, all the pretty girls are made out to be 'trashy whores' (please note these girls are not light-skinned played by Gabrielle Union, Shar Jackson etc Another stereotype??). Again, this is not necessarily true in life. I have hated my fair share of pretty girls thinking that they lack substance, and are too 'grown-up for their own good' and they 'sleep around' and steal your man when you are too busy having an ugly day. Hmmm, given its taken me more than a quarter of a century to think of myself as 'pretty', I am not going to accept that derogatory outlook on pretty people without a fight! (I would sincerely like to apologise to all the pretty girls I victimized in all my primary schools. In high school, I couldn't really bully you but I begrudged you of everything and in uni, well, I secretly b#tched about you until I got to know you better of  course. I am so sorry).
3. Sanaa wasn't ugly or remotely bad looking just because she tied a pony-tail throughout high school and college and played basketball. That girl did not suddenly become the 'belle of the ball' because she put on a tight white dress, got her hair did and wore heels on prom night, she had always been the 'belle of the court' and just a beauty. I guess all I am saying is that to impress an audience of a certain kind, you have to dress the part, but to be beautiful, you only have to be yourself darn it! (This here goes out to my friend's teammate who I dissed once. Now I know the extent of another human being's physical ugliness is a mere reflection of mine).
4. Them kids had no business having sex at that age and making it seem all cool and nice when its her first time. From what I hear, a girl's first time HURTS!  There never really is that guarantee that you will be a couple after that...anyway unless you already were of course. (If your experience was different and special, please enlighten us).
5. Blah blah to all the other bits which didn't hit me as much as this next one....
6. It is not cute to pine over a guy for 5 years, then (even if he he is not engaged) tell him how you feel. Boo hoo, that boy may not get back with you just because you still like him. He may enjoy playing 'basketball' with you in the middle of the night because you are buddies of course and he gets some 'first mover' advantages but 5 years is a long time girlchild to expect to get that sizzle back. Just because he was your first doesn't mean jack all! And if you are chasing him down, it probably is because he was your first...you poor thing! So before you go there, do you really want to put yourself through all that? (this is to all the virgins out there, don't let movies fool you into believing that sleeping with your high school sweetheart is the greatest thing since facebook- its not really, in the long run anyway, you will see. TRUST ME)
7. My lesson learned is If you get the chance to leave the country and pursue your dream, take your heart with you wherever you go. Don't leave it with your ex!(And if you bump into him abroad, don't try and rekindle anything please. This could be hazardous to your health. Yes I have done it all  before. If there's unfinished business , sometimes it means you had no business starting it in the first place. Just move on graciously).

kisses n cuddles

T

P.S I think I will watch brown sugar now hehe just to see the misconceptions I had of love more clearly.

World AIDS Day 2009

Words cannot describe the joy I feel as i commemorate this day...Is it a holiday? No! A birthday? No. It’s the day I get to think of all the loved ones I have lost to this disease. Today is the day where I get to fight it through spoken word, through actions and advice.

I can tell the people I care about to be wary of their actions, I can say CONDOMISE, without feeling embarrassed. I can say husbands- love only your wives and have sex only with your wives. I can say women submit only to your husbands sexually. Of course, there are other matters to be discussed about faithfulness and loyalty but not today....these things are not up for discussion, they are only UP FOR ACTION.

I know of men and women who may have begun having sex in their early teens/whenever...today is not the day for judging anyone, it’s the day for saying- Be wise, protect yourself and protect your lover. I know people who have one night stands- today is for saying, if you are not sure what they are carrying in their pockets, you can’t know what they have in their bodies- PROTECT YOURSELF.

I know of pregnant women who are HIV positive- this is not the day to be afraid but to receive information on drugs like Nevirapine, information about prevention from Mother- to-Child. This is a day to see that there are many children who have been born Virus free because of these drugs and are living long healthy lives.

I know of people who have cheated in their marriages/relationships and contracted the disease. This is a day to tell you that hospitals, clinics have information on ARVs and proper diet plans to help you live a happy healthy life.

I know of people who think WHY BOTHER if they are going to die anyway- this is a most beautiful day to tell you, you can talk to someone: a doctor, a friend, a therapist, the Lord, a priest- because HIV/AIDS is not frowned upon anymore. People have loads of information so they will not discriminate against you. There are ways to break habits without breaking your spirit so LISTEN today.

I know of young teens who are thinking- to have SEX or NOT to have sex- try to abstain. Draw from resources of how others have managed to stay celibate even when they have boyfriends or girlfriends...today is the day to ASK and SPEAK about it.

I know of people who contracted the virus through drug use...this is the day to find out where to get new unused syringes. Those who prostitute, find out how to be more careful when turning tricks or even how to get an income without turning tricks. This is the day.

To a child playing amongst his/her friends knowing he is different from others because he is carrying HIV. There is hope and there are treatments so you can have a wonderful healthy full life.

To the child who thinks they can only watch their parents die because they are infected, today is the day when people are shoving information about forgiveness, hope, love and treatments for your family. You only need to get one pamphlet, in fact grab them all. There's no shame in knowing too much.

For each person-today is a day to celebrate awareness, life and refreshed hope.

God Bless you all Ordinaros

love

T