RANDOMNESS AHEAD: DreamingDreams, LivingDreams and PlaninLife

I haven’t read anything other than proposals, terms of references, multi-sectoral health and I am BoTired! I suppose I am learning my trade but I feel a tremendous void in my life...the one which can be filled with games, unplanned visits, cake and coffees…I miss that. The other day my teamleader said HE enjoyed my laughter and I went on strike. I started laughing within so I often choked when I drank my water, because I was laughing so hard INSIDE! i mean how dare he say, HE ENJOYED MY LAUGHTER! But I am back, back to hysterical giggling, and Julia Roberts-like howling laughter from Pretty Woman. For sure, you would see my tounsils if I hadn’t had them removed when I was 4. I think I just took it too personally because.. because because and expressing my Joy again. I love the SounD too.

Anyway, I woke up today because I had had the most eventful dream. This week I have been having eventful nights and zero to hardly any sleep since I had proposals due left, right and centre…so I slept early last night. At 2230 after, CSI, I actually slept during CSI but anyway. I got into bed around 1030pm. My mum used to force me to sleep in my bed and if she caught me snoozing on the couch, she wouldn’t leave the lounge until I dawdled to my room in a sleepy stupor. Shes changed now, more accepting and accomodating. Anyway so mosquito net down, eyes shut…..dream dream then 6 am I feel myself waking up and I fight it. I had just met Barack in my dream n he had shook my hand. I tell myself wait, theres that other section you need to dream about to finish it up…like it’s a Greys Anatomy episode. But when you are awake, you are awake. There’s nothing you can do about it. Sure you can imagine things, plan your day, with your eyes shut but the flickering of your eyes will set your sweet mother on you and she will say GOOD MORNING and list a whole lot of activities that you wouldn’t really plan for yourself. So if you wake up before your dream is over, finish it off in real time!(you really have to be discerning here, theres some dreams that will land you in prison/shamed soooooo Be Wise!)

So I woke up and I have decided to live my dreams because once you dream them, its up to you, whether you leave them behind your eyelids in the stillness of night OR to just get up and do IT. I thought it was impossible to be guided by your dreams until I remembered Joseph the Dreamer as I walked out of my house today. His haters were his own brothers. They put him in a hole and sold him for DREAMING. His getoutofjailcard were his DREAMS because he dreamt so much that he could understand others’ dreams..with God’s hand upon him of course. So I am going to dream dreams when I am asleep and live dreams when I am awake.

SO to meet my dreams, I need to PLAN my course of action….I have watched this movie that said, start your plan of action from the ending and then work backwards….

10. Work in Washington somewhere in the Department which deals with funding to LDCs for their health sectors
8. Complete a PhD in Health Sector Management within different Political Structures
7. Gain work experience from an internationally recognized organization…the Clinton Foundation preferably
6. Win a scholarship to pursue a PhD at Harvard
5. Complete Health Economics Masters degree
4. Apply for a visa
3. Open a foreign account
2. Make a decision which university to attend

'FamilyPlaNNingMethoDs' coming when I have a man…I don’t mean it like THAT, just I think the four kid dream, hot preacher man, durawall (no picket fence in Africa), swimming pool, 2 jeeps, wat wat will come later….yes I know I will be 30 but hey!!!

And should anyone decide we have the same dream or is inspired by mine and pursues it too, its cool because the sooner this dream is lived, the better! So I don't mind, Go AHEAD. Most people are living Martin Luther King's dream anyway..

thAt devil IS a LiaR! GOD is A Victor!

God is good and something in the air is trying to make me feel otherwise but He reigns, He is my King, mine. He loves me for my sake.He stays with me for my sake. He forgives me for my sake. He gives for my sake. He frees for my sake. He lived for my sake. He died for my sake. He rose again for my sake. Nothing can prosper unless its from Him. The victory belongs to Him. The tears can come. He will wipe them away. The pain can come and He will comfort me. I shall not fear nor be overcome! I refuse, in your name Jesu. My faith in my King suffices to wash over this fear. Talitha Koum, He says. I rise my Lord. I rise! Amen!

As for you, how dare you try and take my joy! How dare you use my aunt’s memory to weaken me! How dare you use family against family! How dare you use our desires as the foundations of our graves when they are meant to establish our homes and our dreams! How dare you twist them! There is no room for you here. Take your greed, take your lust, take your unforgiveness, take your selfishness, take your arrogance, take your cruelty, take your unhelpfulness, take your fear, take your anxiety, take your pride.

I am no fool, I have sought wise counsel and I have gained knowledge and affirmation that my God is my Keeper, my Shelter, my Harbour. You thought I would bury my head, binge drink or eat huh? curse God and die...pssh you have left me where I need to be….on my knees, a little broken, contrite and humbled! But As I rise, I know I am stronger for I am full of His Spirit. It never wanes like you. you are fickle and His Spirit is true. Get thee behind me! Get thee behind us!

My Lord, My God. You have not forsaken me. I breathe still. Glory2God!

DeciDing on a Path

I love to write, simply what is on mind, so I write in simple diction. I love to speak candidly so I write plainly….so I wonder where all this will lead me.

I love to study economics without the mathematical jargon, so my theses are devoid of proofs of hypotheses except through theory. I love to explore issues from mine own perspective but here am I, working in a research company picking others’ minds….so I ask where will it all lead me?

I love to mend broken relationships yet I have never sustained my own. I love to forgive but I hate the person I am at the start of the forgiving journey which passes through disappointment and bitterness. I love to heal hearts and minds and restore them with Verses or words impessed upon me by the Spirit…but I have simple diction. I love for people to feel my heart when we embrace, my soul as we speak and my comfort when they ache…yet I am so sensitive to touch and irritable when my space is invaded. Where will this lead to?