i had written a very 'flowery' introduction in a bid to justify my behaviour and I have decided to delete it. Well, because I am trying to stop throwing these pity parties..i don't like the people who come and I especially don't enjoy attending them. I had an argument with my elder sister=number 2 sis!
My weakness is raising my voice in confrontations of any kind. In an argument setting, I can feel my voice rising and I become a bit pitchy but I CANNOT stop it. I find that those who stay calm and deliberately lower their intonations appear to be the more intelligent side and their arguments always seem more well composed. My pitch, on the other hand, rises and the more I need to say, the squeakier it becomes..in the end, I shriek away my sensible defense. Noone pays attention after that and they start on the Tantrum Approach they used on me since i was about 12. Do you have to shout? Could you not have told me earlier if that was how you felt? Can you be more respectful? And here I am, trying to bring the best of my argument skillZ to the table waitered on by the Pacifier herself!
How do I say lets start over and please pay attention when she is on the winning end of the race because she got me squealing and frazzled? (Will she really be prepared to lose marks so we can solve this?) How do I start again when I am trying to walk away and she keeps asking these questions to which I have no answers at the time...I want to address the issue and she wants to undress it and uncover all the underlying issues that led up to the event. (Here I launched into another miserable pity patry so i had to DELETE- excuse the unflowy nature of this post. I am venting)BLAH BLAH until she asks "oh but are we arguing? I thought we were just talking and you started yelling at me". I must say I felt like she started ALL THIS with her Queen of Passive Agressivo act and we were in this argument together. Even hush hush tones spoken out of tension qualify as part of an argument-the point is we were in it together and she pulled the 21 questions card instead of just "playing along".
