Lilies, shackles and shame

Dear Blog,

I am so sorry that I am taking you through a dark time but this was me BC. This was me when I was hurting within and as a result, hurting myself on the outside. Maybe someone else has felt like this, maybe someone else recognizes feeling like this and needs a way out. I eventually was brought out though by JC. So I know I am different because I am going through a quite taxing time now without the added drama or superficial coping mechanisms and I am finding my way out without the past morbidness but surrounded by love and a resilient Holy Spirit within me. People may be tired of the whole happy-problem free Christian and need to know that there was a whole other life before that. Even if it may seem like your path is not heading that way because the light is so dim....know that God finds you wherever you are. And even if it feels like you are  doing it all alone, you R definitely not! I am here aren't I?  So here goes.....

Does the lily not live in its own grave?

It lives in the dirt one day

And dies in it another…….

My life has served me as the soil has served the flower.

I will brave the seasons through and through

I will enjoy the sunrise and the smooth morning dew

Then lay my head here

In grace or in tears

Faith or with fears

Then
Night will come

And I will be laying down my head

Rusty and resting...

In the comfort of my last hour

in a life I lived shackled like a flower
(TN)

OR

Shame

The shackles dig

Deep to my once clothed marrow

My blood is too thirsty to spill

My feet too numb to feel.

But I must trudge

Towards a destination

Where fame and good fortune

Fate and misfortune

Merge.

A haven for mood swings,

A chapel for regrets.

I trudge

There is no room for pity.

Perhaps trinkets of defiance

Are smuggled in by hopeful pores

But these are luxuries,

Time affords not to spare.

So rather,

Madness, bitterness, anger!

Blaming another

is like butter on a knife:

It simply melts and loses substance
when confronted

By hefty opponents called Reason and Doubt.

So I trudge,

Now my eyes are lost in my head

Drooping eyelids shroud my empty sockets.

And I am guided

By a mere scent.

Putrid, to others, it may be

But humility is the path I will follow now.

I am
No longer invincible!

For on my back

I carry all I can claim

To be mine

Shame

(TN)

Now know that Jesus carried a cross He would die on, on His scarred back for you. Nothing can beat LOVE. LOVE heals all manners of shame, covers all manners of sin. 

Kisses and cuddles (KCEES)
TN