Why Wasn't I Afraid?

Your arms were held out open to me

All the while,

You knew

I was in despair

And in dire confusion

With neither perspective nor goals.

But,

 it was simpler to be lost,

Better even, 

that with time all would be forgot.

But why wasn’t I afraid to be a wanderer,

lacking faith and composure

And  fearing trust?

Forgive me lord, I forgot my worth,

The cross carried for me;

The tears wept for me;

The blood shed for me...

I forgot,

Your love which binds me eternally to You

Which can never be compromised,

Which will never fail,

Which shields me from my foes

Which strengthens me in any confrontations

Which guides me

And  my family too!

Why wasn’t I afraid to leave you, God?

Why was I so quick to step away?

I was quick to reject you:

To deny you

As you were tortured within.

I let your son suffer for me each day.

Have I neither remorse nor shame?

Have I no sorrow, no respect, no fear, no belief?

Forgive me Lord, I forgot my loyalty

And my place.

I am here again

Weak and helpless as a child

Clothe me

And

Hold me 

And please don’t ever wean me. 

Some issues take longer to resolve than to create.

Are they even worth it?