Wait till you see my smile.....

 

Yesterday...

I am as surprised as the next person when I smile during adversity or a rather difficult time. It is almost too hard to believe that the Holy Spirit stands in for me and breathes, laughs and smiles for me. Absolutely unbelievable really! In that time, each heartbeat is in sync with  my newfound joyful emotions, reflecting this joy that I didn't even know was there. And then it stirs up this motion, this attitude, and this overwhelming desire to embrace life and its people and bask in their joy or at least to give them a hand up to experience this Jesus-filled realm of love, peace and happiness. When the Spirit smiles, its more than 1000 watts, its beyond ear to ear- its the head-to-toe, from space to the inner core kind of smile. Its a soul awakening! Yes, the Joy of the Lord hath strengthened me so that I may smile.

Today

Struggling to stay focused today...because of yesterday. I should be even more focused for today is the day I have been preparing for-->the day when I would be emotionally vulnerable, the day after letting my guard down (although it should have never come to this I think). The day when I would have needed someone to comfort me, to ring me, to check on me but I would have been so emotionally prepared and would get past needing all that. This is the day when I would need to call only the Lord and not on man but it feels like I don't even know what to say when I call Him, it feels like I left myself somewhere hanging to dry. This is the day I would have picked up my Bible and cast insignificant thoughts aside.  This is the day when I would tell my thoughts to obey me(I should have been telling them to obey God)instead of condemning me....But I find that this is the day when I am reduced, yet elevated; sinking and rising all at the same and all of me is crying or even singing from this twister of emotions ABBA FATHER!

I don't know what I am doing right now, I can't fully understand these emotions, I can't tell if they should go or stay, IS THIS YOU? HAVE YOU PUT THIS ON MY HEART? IF SO, HOW IS THIS EVEN GOING TO WORK? ARE YOU SERIOUS? AM I SERIOUS? DO I START REGRETTING OR DO I CONTINUE HOPING...perhaps that's it, should I be regretting it or should I continue hoping 18/11/2010!

^{The Reminder: Romans 8.22-39}

 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.