Dear you

In the beginning,
I needed you to want me,
To compliment me,
To touch me.
In the beginning I needed you
To make me feel strong,
To make me feel beautiful
Or just to feel.
In the beginning,
I needed you to teach me
To learn me
To keep me in check.
In the beginning,
I needed

John 15.19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you


To be or not to be....woman, wife, mother

To live to be called a daughter, a woman, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother- I have had to be more than all these people call me. I have had to side-step the labels, the budgets, the haters as you call them now. I have had to respect myself above all things.I have had to honor that whatever God placed within me is sufficient to be called by all these names. I have had to believe that His Spirit lived in me. I have had to understand that His laws were written on my heart before I was born. I have had to learn to obey them since my youth.

Before I could obey or listen to your grandfather-I had to answer to the law of my father's house exercised by my mother. I had to do a lot of what I had to. When I asked the Lord to examine my heart to see my intentions-if he found anything amiss, He would chastise me before my mother spoke a word. But if I had already gone ahead without listening to Him, then my mother would speak and my father would act. To be a daughter; I brought joy, lessons, tears, conditional hate and unconditional love to my family. I was a carrier of my parents' legacy into my own home and life.

To be called a woman, I had to realise above everything that I was beautiful and... Beautiful and respectful, beautiful and intelligent, beautiful and humble, beautiful and peacable, beautiful with a purpose, beautiful and belonging to a Being higher than my own.

To be  called a wife: I had to heed his call. I had to accept the love and the awe he felt toward me. But I had to refuse the pedestal he offered and settle for the dust he walked on. I had to give him back everything he gave me all the days of his life and every single of mine. I had to repackage the love he gave me with respect. I had to repackage the orders he gave with loving instructions. I had to repackage his anger with concern. I had to repackage his somewhat wondering eye with more of my wiles. I had to repackage his sullenness with mystery. I had to repackage his drive with support; his plans with my action; his lack with my encouragement; his fear with my solace; his angst with my calm; his ego with my humility; his strength with my grace; his quietness with my thoughts and of course his thoughts always remained his. I lost myself in him, with him and by him...because I had given myself to him.

To be called a mother: I let every single one of my babies suckle life from me for as long as they needed. I let them learn with their hands; listen with their feet; act with their minds and love with all that is within them off course. I wonder if they took it too literally though. I taught them to teach and lead. I would not allow them to be followers. My children were the precedence-the pioneers.  I would never let them fight with their hands but with their dreams. I taught them from God's book. I sang to them from God's hymns. I loved their friends, cousins and neighbours so they would be close to me always. There is no place where they went that I never knew of, even if they thought they were far off. I enriched the community so much that I was not afraid if the community were to raise them because I had raised it.

To be called a grandmother: I let my children marry or be married and go forth and procreate. I opened my home to all my children's children. I kept the law and showed it to them. I made the meals they loved; the prayers they needed; the solace they sought and the authority they craved. I let their mothers be strong and impart their lessons. I learned from them too. I kept my tradition, my consistency, my strength.

To be called a great grandmother: By this time I had lost my sight but not my vision nor His vision. I heard my great grandchildren call me.I felt each of their soft hands caress mine. I felt them stare and wonder about who I was and what I meant. I stuck around. I let them bury me in their archives alongside the pyramids. I let them hear stories about me.

To be a daughter, woman, wife, grandmother, great grandmother is something I can hopefully pass on to you. To excel in these things is not by knowing it all nor doing it all-it is by just being. Everything you are or intended to be is on the palms of your hands. When you came into this world-your little hands were balled into fists. You were carrying the manuscript and all the gifts that God knew you would need to Be. 



Seed seed seeds...the world keeps trying to plant seeds within me, should I let them grow or should I just say no...seeds seeds seeds....too late...planted, cultivated, grown, plucked too soon and sold to the highest and the lowest bidder-this cheap seed that is free for all yet...costs your all. Forgive us all!


How great is your mercy?

Eph 2:3-5 (NIV) ...Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

My husband and I have been working with a young man over the last year. He is like the family assistant who runs errands and does what needs to be done when we are unable to pull ourselves from what we have to do. This man has entered our home, played with our daughter who is absolutely enamored with him by the way. He has traveled with us and been on the craziest journeys just to hand over a tit-bit of paper to us. And we have ben grateful in spirit, in kind and in hard cash. We thanked God for this young man’s loyalty and faithfulness. We thanked God for his obedience and trustworthiness.

Recently, we became aware that he had been a ‘some-what’ criminal in his past life and some of his shortcomings had come back to haunt him. There is always consequence to our sinful nature. Needless to say, he called out to us and we bailed him out and we did. (in retrospect, he probably called out to God and God called us). I swear for a long time after that-I had a Jesus complex; thinking since we had saved him, he owed us even more in the belief that the more someone is forgiven; the more love and loyalty they will have for you. As we do with God-the greater sins He has forgiven us, the more we love and honor Him. I forgot I wasn’t God. And this fellow owed my family nothing, zilch. We hadn’t bought twenty years of his life with what we had done. We had been obedient to God and done what we had to do but the glory belonged to the Lord and that is where his debt was cancelled. 

Recently, he betrayed us with lies and theft and the old run around. I wanted to skin him alive and expose his innards to the crows and then watch him beg for his life. I wanted that Law and Order type of justice inflicted on him. I couldn’t do it myself and I thought my husband would. So inside, I waited for his demise but it never came. Instead all I got was ‘I will handle it’. This was not an episode of Scandal! But I waited for the ‘handling’ until I couldn’t anymore and I concocted to bring this young fellow down to size with my own words. I wrote a long text message fully expressing my wrath and what type of punishment God would inflict on Him and I sent it…………….to my husband for spell check. LSS, he told me to leave it alone and ‘he would deal with it’.  

My heart ached. I felt the energy fuelled by my anger leave my body. All I wanted to do was cry! And cry! I bought a few tracks from Itunes that I expected would have enough bass to push me out of this mood. I turned to Christian podcasts to help me out of this sad hole that I had obviously dug for someone else. The hole of shame and disdain and I was its only occupant!

I learned a few things today- when God says I will deal with it and that He is the judge-He truly will and He truly is. I am nowhere near the courts and I cannot even make a recommendation. God is wise enough to know what to do about his children. I must leave His children to Him. I must let go. 

The second thing is- I don’t’ always like the idea that God is merciful and gracious to ‘other people’ and sometimes that is why I hang on to my anger because then I can exact my wrath on them before God extends His mercy. And that is why I refuse to let go and let God. Because I know God is ‘nice and forgiving’ since He once extended His goodness to me too. Yes, God is the great restorer and healer.

This young man inherited some definite flaws which God revealed to us before and allowed us to bail him out. I have to remember his need for restoration before I remember my need for revenge.

I learned that I must trust my husband and submit to him. If I learn to do this, it will make it easier to submit  to God. 

The stories of Joseph and Jacob being deceived and getting over it are an amazing inspiration to me. These guys are heroes! We are created for such a time as this and God will lead us out of hard situations that others put us in and take us toward higher ground. He works it for the good of all those who love Him. I pray I love Him more for all our sakes. 

I must be wise enough not to be deceived anymore and I must know that there are people who will choose darkness over light and it is good to weep for their souls and pray for them. And forgive them. And hand them over to the Lord. 

I would like to acknowledge Ps Doery's podcast on ‘5 things God uses to put iron in your soul’ and the Bible Study Guide ‘Have you been deceived?’ article.  And God…..He is a great restorer and He has made the impossible, possible, through His unending mercy.


Dear Nick and Mariah

Let me introduce myself-I am firstly a Christian, then many other things and finally a fan. I know you guys are Christian too since you proclaim it in virtually all your interviews about yourselves and it forms the basis of your marriage. So I write to you from a fellowship viewpoint.

I believe in the goodness of the Lord and His ability to strengthen anyone for His glory. I have seen it. I believe He is greater than ‘just a force’ and can change any situation to suit His plan. The key thing is one has to allow His work to be done in their life. So everything Hollywood, fame, success tells you is impossible is possible with God.
I don’t know the current status of your marriage as I clearly have no right to know but God knows. God knows your going in and your coming out. He knows your hearts. He knows your intent. He knows the decisions you will make before you do.

With that, please receive this blessing-God works everything for the good of those who love Him and I pray that you love him so that He can work His good in your lives. I pray that God remembers His graceful nature as He bridges how much you love Him in your imperfect nature and how much you ought to love him in perfection. I pray that you never have to stay married for the kids, for appearances but rather for His glory. I pray that He turns you around and brings humility into your realm. I pray that He shows you how the hard decisions will make the future easier for you. I pray each one of you knows and understands his and her role in the marriage and in life. I pray each one of you obeys this role even if it is hard-it is possible. I pray that you allow God to fortify you that your marriage is impermeable to evil and that you may be discerning and know what is evil and what is not. I pray that the forgiving nature of Jesus that sent Him to the cross is the one that fills your home. Forgiveness is not an easy practice but when practiced it becomes easier. I pray for the burial of name-calling, blame-placing, and tit-for-tatting. I pray for the resurrection of life in your marriage.

This message may seem offensive at first and you may ask what do I purport to know? But it is not from the basis of knowledge that I write this. It is from a pure hope that your marriage receives all its rightful blessings that are promised to you through Jesus Christ. I also pray the same for all my family and friends. Let it too be done in your life.


Loads of love,


The Real BBW............ #noratchet #nomess

I am your platform.
I am your foundation.
I am your gender.
I am your sexuality.
I am your breath.
I am your integrity.
I am your hope.
I am your team.
I am your antagonist.
I am your friend.
I am your peace.
I am your Sistine.
I am your hair.
I am your choice.
I am your comfort.
I am your drawback.
I am your love.
I am your disdain.
I am your wife.
I am your mother.
I am your child.
I am your sister.
I am your religion.
I am your song.
I am your chore.
I am your delight.
I am your fight.
I am your night.
I am your war.
I am your weapon.
I am your tribe.
I am your day.
I am your curves.
I am your hurdle.
I am your writer.
I am your producer.
I am your prayer.
I am your Mona Lisa.
I am your Cleopatra.
I am the tents of Kedar.
I am your tears.
I am your smile.
I am your voice.
I am your experience.
I am your wisdom.
I am your loyalty.
I am your follower.
I am your leader. 
I am your heart.
I am your soul.
I am your purpose.

I am yours, 

Beautifully Black Woman.