1. I am on my way to Lesotho for work. Yay, I got a job!!!! And its not a little job either, its a big job and I have been praying for God to make me sufficient, adequate or just know what I am doing and get it right. And I have been saying 'God make me enough, Make me do well, Make me know'....and today I got a call from the Spirit...'When will you accept that He has made you enough? When will you believe it?' So I have resolved to walk in the blessing now and I am good enough for this job. I can do it in Jesus' name!
2. I was a little sad that I was leaving a lot of my family and "potentials' behind but as it turns out (I got this news about 15 minutes ago after I had written point one) otherwise this post would have been an entirely different post)...I am now only starting on the 4th so I have time to fix and say my goodbyes properly and get my edumacation sorted. God has given me more time!!!! Yay! ''His mercies are new every morning....."
3. I am so relieved that my days here have been increased and now to use them wisely....
4. And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.” And their eyes were opened.
Matthew 8:28-30
This verse here enlightened me when I read it 2 days ago...because I could hear God asking me the same question about a lot of the issues that concerned me about my travel arrangements and my ability to do my job, and 'It' and I kept saying Mwari ndigonesei (Lord, make me able). And of course Jesus asks me the same question He asks the blind men: Do I believe that He can do this???? And I say: Yes Lord and He says: According to your faith let it be to you, Tendayi. Okay, I got a little freaked out by  this because these men had faith that they would see and they saw. Now here comes Tendi with half-measure faith (sometimes) and I thought if I had been one of those dudes and it had been done according to the faith I have at those times, I would have had only one eye opened...so cheers to growing faith that GOD IS ABLE to do ALL things!!!!! Clearly He is, He got my contract amended, a job to start off with, a masters, a man...and all the other different testimonies I have shared. And I am going to experience the fullness of this blessing because I am saying goodbye again to  'half-measure faith'....because I want both eyes opened too!!!! 
5. 23.12.2010. I leave on Monday for Zimbabwe then I proceed to Lesotho in the new year. This week has been about sleeping-in, family, friends, dinner, calls to and fro, karaoke, air-hockey, movies, shopping. There is so little time but I am so grateful for the time I have. My God is goodo!
Watch this space for more updates.....


“Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.” Matthew 9:2b
Among other things, be joyful and grateful that your sins are forgiven. If you think you have run out of reasons to celebrate today: no reason to stand up and yell praises; nor get out of bed with a spring to your step; no particular day to just smile at a friend, a workmate and even your children, please BE reminded that 
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
      Because His compassions fail not.
       They are new every morning;
Lamentations 3:22-23 
Today you have the opportunity to sow that same seed of  forgiveness into someone else' life. The gift of "non-condemnation" for anything they have committed against you/themselves. People always need to be reminded not to beat themselves up over something they have done because Jesus says  
Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more 
John 8.11
Before you say it is not in your capacity to forgive and God will be the judge what what what, I am not saying pass judgment then render forgiveness. I am saying be quick to forgive and to speak about forgiveness to one another for Jesus said to his disciples
Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 
Matthew 18.18 
Give someone else a reason to be of good cheer today so we can all be on the road to a Merry and Joyful Christmas/Lifetime! 
Afterthought: Santa doesn't give this gift at all. He expects you to be good all year round but the basis of our relationship with the Father of Christ is that we are imperfect and sinners. It is only by the sacrifice of His Son that we are made righteous and can stand in His presence and have our sins forgiven etc etc....oh I am of good cheer today!!!! cue Praise the Lord, let the earth hear His voice, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice.......


Light at the END-of-the-Tunnel?

I had this revelation today early in the morning. It was hounding me and I kept thinking what is the purpose of it all? I am not going through anything particularly hard that this should pop into my mind...
1. Do you believe Jesus Christ is your Lord and Saviour? Yes
2. Have you received the Holy Spirit? Do you believe the Holy Spirit is within you?Yes
Then there is no light at the end of the tunnel because the light is within you! You are the light in the tunnel. In fact....
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 
Matthew 5.14-16
 Sure enough about 9 hours later, I found myself battling a vision I had: not fully understanding how it could possibly come to fruition when things seemed like they were moving sooooo slowly. I spoke to a friend, tried to speak to my sisters, got on a chocolate/sweet-popcorn high but could not shake the feeling off until I prayed. I prayed for this 'one thing' that was on my mind. I expressed my gratitude for 'It'. And returned 'It' to the Lord's hands. Then I 'podcasted' some sermons because faith comes from hearing of the Word right and God knows I needed my faith restored/renewed/increased. Something someone said reminded me of this verse that had come to me in the morning. I am the light even when I am in my circumstance...I need to keep shining while I am in the tunnel. Trudging pitifully along is not an option. Being shaken and stirred should not blow my flame out. Doubt and uncertainty are no replacement for a sound mind! I am in a tunnel and I am the light. When I reach the end, the vision will be fulfilled and I will still be the light. So I have learned that some lessons may not appear relevant early in the morn but the Lord always equips me to fight these mind games way before the battle. 


None of the Below and All from Above

Genesis 1.27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them. I would like to solemnly declare that the Maya Angelou Phenomenal Woman poem is not a representation of me anymore. Maybe it's what got her through and these verses apply to her life. I now know that not every line in a poem written by a famous poet will be relevant to me even if the words move me blah blah (empathy and compassion=wonderful attributes). But since these words are not written  about me, there is no need to recite these words over and over till they become an anthem because I am burdening myself with untruths about myself. Many times I have read it and thought ooooh yes that's me 'not cute but I still got it" but you know what I am made in God's image! His hand knitted me ~ I am more than cute! What you think is a 'secret' really isn't...it's the God-in-me (available from the Holy Spirit within you which is absolutely free). It is not the arch in my back etc etc. Frankly, whether men fall to their knees or not when I enter a room is not my prerogative ~I want one man to be moved by my presence and instead of falling to his knees in adoration of me, I would prefer he got on his knees in gratitude to God (for me and all his other blessings. Prov 18.22~he who finds a wife finds a good thing not he who sees hot chicks in the street/twitter avatars and is captured by their beauty and must try to get their number/attention at all costs has found a good thing--->NOPE). There will be no trying to touch my 'inner mystery' here but if anyone wants some real mysteries~ the Holy Bible has 66 chapters of them. I love the vessel/temple I inhabit but now I know that even if I possess all these features, physical characteristics that women do anyway...I am not phenomenal because of them. I am phenomenal because I am the daughter of a King! Neither am I the the rose that grew from the concrete (sorry Tupac), I am the woman who is growing from His Word! 



Proverbs 6:2 ...you are snared by the words of your own mouth; you are taken by the words of your mouth...


Joel 2:23-27

Does this say something to anyone else? It really humbled me to know how much work God has put in my life and still He insists on blessing me with more (the latter and the former rain)! And what I reap will be overflowing..and to top it all off He will restore the years I have wasted (eaten by locusts), where I was given to under-performance and all sorts of foolishness that kept me from Him. Today I am satisfied, I praise God, and I will never be put to shame. Amen!

Joel 2:23-27

Be glad then, you children of Zion,
 And rejoice in the LORD your God;
      For He has given you the former rain faithfully,
      And He will cause the rain to come down for you—
      The former rain,
      And the latter rain in the first month.
       The threshing floors shall be full of wheat,
      And the vats shall overflow with new wine and oil.
        “ So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
      The crawling locust,
      The consuming locust,
      And the chewing locust,
      My great army which I sent among you.
       You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
      And praise the name of the LORD your God,
      Who has dealt wondrously with you;
      And My people shall never be put to shame.
       Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel:
      I am the LORD your God
      And there is no other.
      My people shall never be put to shame.


My Pretty Big Deal

I get baptized today...I am so excited and humbled that I have been given this opportunity to declare that I am the Lord's and He is mine. He has imparted His Holy Spirit to me, given me His Son to save me and adopted me so that I will live in His courts for eternity. I have to say a little something tomorrow but I can't fathom what kind of words can express the feat that I have just overcome. After 5 years, 1792 days, I officially ''publicly''  change my relationship status to God's. I get to say I do to You. The only constant, honest, loving Being. What has taken me so long? My last name is now Out-of-this-world/waShe/God's. Goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. From victory unto victory...I will triumph. And I will begin to walk in the ministry with a new confidence. Something happened to me today that emphasized that this here is about God and I. He will use this occasion to serve His will. I know its a testimony of my salvation; my defense and evidence against the enemy; the overcoming of my flesh (because my flesh was so against this and reasoned against it but God won!). Although, its testament of a personal relationship with God, its also a declaration that I am a member of the Body of Christ where He is the head and the devil is under our feet. My induction into the Public Office, if you like, as God's servant. Yes today I resign and God presides. I am in His jurisdiction now...

Thank you Father for vindicating me, for fighting for me through all my shenanigans, for carrying me through rough storms and allowing me to walk across waters. You are my Rock! You are my Provider! You are the Lover of my Soul! You are my Friend! You are Grace! You are Mercy! You are Peace! You are Joy!You are God!!! And you are mine! I am yours! Keep me focused on Your beautiful face..in all things and at all times. Holy Spirit, continue to reveal my Father to me. Thank you for letting me share this day with my lovely and blessed niece. Thank you for rearing her up as Yours. Lord, I glorify you for opening her eyes at such an early age. Thank you that her parents were faithful to introduce  her to You  at an early age and she obeyed Your calling. This is surely the day that you have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. In Jesus' name, I have the privilege to say Amen! 


Back into Time....

One day...

by Me on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 3:26pm
One day, the shackles will come off our feet, and we will be free. We will see the years that were our prisonguards, keeping our hope, faith and freedom at bay. we will finally look at the presidents and the militias who once stood solid as prison bars, and see them fall away and behind us like a bad memory should. And we will heal: our land and our people will heal and stand stronger and firmer and united. In this darkness, we will keep His word as the lamp and light for our feet. Our faith sees our destination even when our eyes are filled with tears and our bones are weak, with grief. Our hope will march ahead of this era and take us where our enemies enemy will lay beneath us. Only this faith and this hope can bring us the strength and joy of tomorrow so our bodies do not tire as they trudge on the path He has ordained for us. Our minds are already free and celebrating because our faith sees past your time and your regime of wickedness, oppression and such cruelty. Yes, I am free because I am not ashamed to hope. I dare to!


Wait till you see my smile.....

I am as surprised as the next person when I smile during adversity or a rather difficult time. It is almost too hard to believe that the Holy Spirit stands in for me and breathes, laughs and smiles for me. Absolutely unbelievable really! In that time, each heartbeat is in sync with  my newfound joyful emotions, reflecting this joy that I didn't even know was there. And then it stirs up this motion, this attitude, and this overwhelming desire to embrace life and its people and bask in their joy or at least to give them a hand up to experience this Jesus-filled realm of love, peace and happiness. When the Spirit smiles, its more than 1000 watts, its beyond ear to ear- its the head-to-toe, from space to the inner core kind of smile. Its a soul awakening! Yes, the Joy of the Lord hath strengthened me so that I may smile.

Struggling to stay focused today...because of yesterday. I should be even more focused for today is the day I have been preparing for-->the day when I would be emotionally vulnerable, the day after letting my guard down (although it should have never come to this I think). The day when I would have needed someone to comfort me, to ring me, to check on me but I would have been so emotionally prepared and would get past needing all that. This is the day when I would need to call only the Lord and not on man but it feels like I don't even know what to say when I call Him, it feels like I left myself somewhere hanging to dry. This is the day I would have picked up my Bible and cast insignificant thoughts aside.  This is the day when I would tell my thoughts to obey me(I should have been telling them to obey God)instead of condemning me....But I find that this is the day when I am reduced, yet elevated; sinking and rising all at the same and all of me is crying or even singing from this twister of emotions ABBA FATHER!
I don't know what I am doing right now, I can't fully understand these emotions, I can't tell if they should go or stay, IS THIS YOU? HAVE YOU PUT THIS ON MY HEART? IF SO, HOW IS THIS EVEN GOING TO WORK? ARE YOU SERIOUS? AM I SERIOUS? DO I START REGRETTING OR DO I CONTINUE HOPING...perhaps that's it, should I be regretting it or should I continue hoping 18/11/2010!

The Reminder: Romans 8.22-39
 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


Who Am I?

Mark 4:14-20The farmer sows the word.  

Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.  From my experience, satan came like a thief and snatched away the word from me just like that (sometimes with force and sometimes sneakingly). And you may not realise it until you have walked a distance that you never actually got the chance to meditate on the word that you heard. You can't remember the words which should have given you comfort when you were troubled; you can't remember the hymns that you had just sung to praise God with...Or sometimes, Satan comes in a way that shakes you vigorously and like that its gone! He can can come as a sneaky thought and remind you of a circumstance and say ''pssh that word won't do nothing for your circumstance haha'', and so you let the word go. Satan can even come in the form of someone who contradicts the word and doesn't encourage you to be obedient to it but ridicules it in your face. Before you get home after hearing the word, it will feel like you had never left and nothing has changed. 
Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy.  But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.  Its extremely exciting to hear positive and uplifting words from the Bible, it is great when they speak of prosperity and rewards and eternity..WOW! What happens when you leave the church and you are no longer 'just a hearer' of the word but you must become 'a doer of the word'. All that preaching about Daniel (in the lion's den) or Abednego (thrown in the fire) and Jesus (whipped, beaten and on the cross), now you have to live like one prepared to go through the fire using the Word for your protection. AAAAAH!!! Hence the falling away and adhering to quick fixes~ going along with the crowd and not standing firm in God's promises on your life because you don't want to appear foolish or too Jesus-centric.

Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word;  but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. It is so difficult to act like you are living in a bubble where nothing can attack you or entice you---> but its harder when you aren't acting and you absolutely believe that God is fighting all your battles, all that you have belongs to Him because temptation manifests itself in many ways and almost diminishes your resolve to hold on to the word....it becomes too difficult to believe when your heart and mind are burdened with worries; or you can suddenly afford all these things that seem to ease your strife so why not pursue them rather than tithing or getting up every morning.....

Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”Wouldn't it be nice...

Mark 4:14-20


In Awe of You

Lord, I can't believe I wake up and love You..need You all throughout my day, nag You even, sulk by You, listen to You, pray to You, speak to You, talk about You, and now I am about to lay me down to sleep, I love You still. But I do believe it. You are the author and finisher of my faith, the Alpha and Omega....I think for the first time in never-ever land, I may just be on the verge of being consistent. I am so happy. Who can wash me clean except You. And would have  made me new instead of merely recycling me? Only You. Help me to win this race Father. I love You, I need You.


Isaiah and Luke

Today I learned to speak these verses into my circumstances: the good; the bad and the ugly!

Isaiah 43:18-19

Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;  Shall you not know it?  I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. 

Luke 1:45

Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.




Today I learned that

  1. In this life I have to mentally and spiritually prepare myself to live without relying on man
  2. I may be stripped of everything at anytime but I must know how to live without
  3. I must learn to abound and be abased Phil 4.12
  4. I must adapt to living with/without scorn; with or without support
  5. I must learn to live with/without affection, attention or infliction; with/without companions or foes; with or without being loved or hated
  6. One must learn to be without a single thing and yet have everything
  7. After fasting not to act like a hopeless fanatic but to remember the Word of God, His promise and diligence for fasting is preparation for tomorrow Heb 5.14
  8. Faith in God is always growing and I would be foolish to act like it has stayed the same with each situation or trial..each day I operate on a different level.
  9. the devil is paying attention and will try to lie to me and tell me otherwise John 10.10 but I have to remind him that yesterday I defeated him and today will be the same and so will tomorrow because the God I serve is consistent even if nothing else is Mal 3.6
  10. there is no tragedy without a testimony if I wait on the Lord Ps 27.14
  11. I must pray and fast  to be prepared for tomorrow and to live today Matt 17.21
  12. I am blessed Deut 11.26
  13. He will never leave me nor forsake me Heb 13.5
  14. I should pray for all children, take them to the Lord in prayer for the Kingdom of heaven surely belongs to them 
  15. Remember Eternity.John 5.28
  16. My prayers are of more value than my presence Phil 4.6. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 I can comfort you but God can do better than me, John 16.7 I can quieten you but God can restore peace to you John 14.27 . I can make you smile but God can impart His joy Neh 8.10. I can advise you but God gives wise counsel. Ps 25.4-9 Isaiah 48.17, John 14.26

    RIP Alana and Zoe- yours is the Kingdom of Heaven


    Newsboys: Running to you

    I love this chorus
    When everything is broken,
    There’s a door wide open
    You’ll find me running through
    More than just emotion
    My broken heart has chosen,
    Jesus I’m running to You
    I’m running to You


    Miracles come in all packages!

    This is a message to my family to keep the faith, faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains...

    Sonja Taylor

    By Renee Roberson

    On October 24, 2007, a miracle baby named Amillia Taylor turned 1 year old in Miami, Fla. The daughter of Sonja and Eddie Taylor, Amillia was born at 21 weeks weighing just a little over 9 ounces, and is the first baby known to survive after a gestation period of fewer than 23 weeks.

    The Taylors' story begins with a struggle many couples face when trying to start a family – infertility. They conceived Amillia through in vitro fertilization, and there were complications from the beginning. Sonja Taylor was put on bed rest early on in the pregnancy, and was finally released after about four months. "After about two weeks I got dehydrated and went into premature labor," says Sonja Taylor. "I was put back on bed rest but lost my mucous plug." Taylor and her husband immediately headed to Baptist Children's Hospital in Kendall, Fla. The staff there sent her to get an ultrasound and told her they would have to deliver the baby as soon as possible. But Taylor's maternal instinct kicked in, and deep in her heart, she knew her baby would die if it were delivered at 18 weeks."I put my foot down and said, 'You are not delivering this baby right now,'" Taylor says. Although she was leaking amniotic fluid and was already dilated, Taylor refused to let her doctor deliver the baby. She stayed in the hospital, with her mother and husband keeping a constant vigil over here. When she started spiking a fever almost a week later, the doctors knew they had to act soon. They gave Taylor steroids to help develop the baby's lungs and prepared for an emergency C-section. "I was septic, and my uterus and cervix were both infected," Taylor says. "When they took her out, the whole room gasped. They were shocked because she was so small. She had one eye opened and was looking around."
    Amillia Taylor was born weighing 9 ounces and measuring 9 1/2 inches long (about the length of an ink pen). Taylor says the neonatologist on staff didn't know what to do with Amillia because he had never seen a baby so small. She had one nurse assigned just to her.


    Compliments, I love yous, disses

    “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

    In my quiet time today, I heard 'does a garment in a store get all flustered when someone says how good it looks? does a scarf you are knitting tell you when to drop a stitch?.. I, too, have as much right as that scarf or garment because I did not create myself, All Glory goes to the Maker! So next time someone says 'Well Done', 'Good Job' 'you are cute', 'you are funny', 'I love you' to me, I will redirect the message and give my God the praise and glory because without Him, it would never have been possible. I used to get annoyed at people who said that, 'Praise the Lord' for everything now I get it, I really do.

    On the other hand, if someone says something negative or disheartening about my character or the work of my hands...Go to the Maker and well that's all I got for now....Actually, I will obviously have to engage the Holy Spirit highest gear to protect my own spirit (Ephesians 6. 10-18) with all the armour of truth, righteousness, the Word, salvation,  faith, peace and prayer in the Spirit. This should be done all the time and once your spirit is protected, everything else becomes constructive criticism I guess.

    Special note to me this morning from God was
    'Before you show a man your goodies, show him your God'. This comes from actually hearing of a person who sent semi-nude pictures to entice a potential boyf and I guess I had a stray thought and was honed in. 

    Job 10:11 clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews?
    Psalm 119:73 Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.
    Ecclesiastes 11:5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
    Isaiah 44:24 "This is what the LORD says--your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself,


    Women in Ministry

     In case there's a woman out there who would like to know, here is a clip from Lisa Bevere detailing what she thinks is important to pursue....

    You are an ambassador of the Word of God and not of your own opinion
    No man-bashing/people-bashing!
    1 Timothy 4.6-16
    If you instruct the brethren in these things (previous verses), you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 7 But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. 8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. 9 This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance. 10 For to this end we both labor and suffer reproach,[a] because we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe 11 These things command and teach. 
    Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit,[b] in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. 15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. 16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.
    gives you the ability to go beyond your own ability-John Bevere

    embrace it!


    Oh my Goodness!

    Hot water bottle -Check! Nurofen-Check! Insomnia-Check!

    I couldn't name the ten commandments today...it says in Prov 3.1...but keep my commandments in your heart for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity and I could only name 5! SMH!
    1. I shall worship no other gods but God
    2. I shall not kill
    3. I shall not commit adultery
    4. I shall respect my mother and father
    5. I shall not envy or covet my neighbour's wife (hehe)
    6. Okay that's all I got...canuimagine! So off to google, with my Bible in front of me of course
    7. 1 And God spoke all these words, saying:        2 “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.        3 “You shall have no other gods before Me.        4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 5 you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.        7 “You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.        8 “ Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.        12 “ Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.        13 “You shall not murder.        14 “You shall not commit adultery.        15 “You shall not steal.        16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.        17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”
    8. I will meditate on these now...not forgetting of course John 13.34:
    A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

    Okay 4.48am, good morning. I 'll go and memorize these commandments and think about what they mean.....



    And wisdom was daily His delight...

    Proverbs 3.5-8
     5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
           and lean not on your own understanding;
     6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
           and he will make your paths straight. 
     7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
           fear the LORD and shun evil.
     8 This will bring health to your body
           and nourishment to your bones.

    In Hamlet, Polonius says
    This above all: to thine own self be true.

    And this has been my anthem for the last couple of months I think or perhaps it is one of those philosophies I have always subscribed to subconsciously. Today, I learned that this was possibly the root of my problems....being ''true to myself above all'', above everything, above God. Who am I to so highly value my opinion, my thoughts, my ideas, my truth...I have only 27 years on me. Faith in myself goes up and down depending on the season, outfit or someone else' s opinion of me..How then can I be true to myself when myself is so easily swayed or dissuaded? I literally 'go with the wind! these days.

    SO yesterday, after watching Lakewood Church service with Joel Osteen, he spoke of the value of the 100 dollar bill and no matter what crap it goes through, it is still a 100 dollar bill. That's me! My value never changes no matter how many things I have done, put myself through or to, no matter who likes me or not...My value was determined on that Cross at Golgotha where my Jesus was crucified. I have known for a while now that I have been backsliding and like I said to my friend just last night 'its not really the big bad blatant sins that are hurting my relationship with God but I am letting the little sneaky ones in'. And when one burrows into your flesh, it has Human Bot Fly effects! YUCK!

    So yup I let 'lean on my own understanding' in. I let 'my own wisdom' in and they settled and laid eggs and pride drove humility out! Honestly, I didn't even feel like reading the Bible or going to church yet I was parched...thirsting for God's blessing but I guess I was scared He would tell me I was wrong about a lot of things, I was terrified He would chastise me in the worst way. I had judged myself and found myself ├╝ber guilty but haha MERCY SAID NO! (Cece Winans). BLAH BLAH BLAH ETC ETC

    WISDOM is where I landed today and I learned that:
    1. Proverbs 9:10. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding if I know God, I will understand among other things that Jer 29.11 and Rom 8.28 are true in all things and a whole more other things of course. 
    2. Prov 8 I need to get with the 'prudence and understanding heart' program (v5)
    3. Prov 8. 6-9. Wisdom says excellent things, right things, truth, righteousness, nothing crooked nor perverse. Wisdom speaks 'plain and right'. (P.S. Truth is spoken wisely not just blatantly and raw. It is also packaged in the 'righteousness deal'. not my truth but God's!)
    4. Prov 8.11. There is NOTHING that I may desire that has greater value than wisdom (yup job, hubby, kids, money, clothes, car, fame, fortune, businesses, blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, nothing? really? NOTHING!). 
    5. Prov 8.12 DISCRETION is necessary (it is unnecessary to air mine or other people's laundry even to a friend or family member who will never tell, N2K basis only!).
    6. Prov 8.13 I must hate evil, pride, arrogance and a perverse mouth (I must unlearn these skills with immediate effect. yes no more cussing in my head or with 'people-who-have-known-me- for-ages-and-no-me-better-than-that, no more racial slurs, judgmental comments in my head)
    7. Prov 8.14. Wisdom counsels (NOT ME, my experience, my opinion-->Wisdom from God's word brought to my lips by the Holy Spirit), Wisdom is understanding (I can't blame weird, immaturity or different anymore but aim to sympathize and empathize and listen and understand.....), Wisdom is STRONG!!!!
    8. Prov 8. 27. Those who seek wisdom will surely find it!
    "Now then, my sons, listen to me;
           blessed are those who keep my ways.
     33 Listen to my instruction and be wise;
           do not ignore it.
     34 Blessed is the man who listens to me,
           watching daily at my doors,
           waiting at my doorway.
     35 For whoever finds me finds life
           and receives favor from the LORD.
     36 But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
           all who hate me love death."


    Over it all

    I am over it yet I am still not above it!
    My value hasn't changed, it is still the same.
    I am God's!
    tired of limits, tired of rejection
    tired of false hope
    tired of blaming myself
    so I am freeing myself
    taking the shackles off my feet
    taking these mental braces off
    coming into my own
    coming into my Father's own


    Preview Seal 6: Commitment

    Check out after the jump


    My Fave Lines in no specific order
    We are one, but we are not the same. We get one life, we get to carry each other....
    Did I ask too much, more than a lot?
    You ask me to enter, well then you ask me to crawl...
    One life to do what you should...
    Well it's too late, tonight to drag the past out into the light....


    Beauty is in the eye of Your Beholder

    The powerlessness of beauty
    Unless observed and probed
    The arch on my nose, the sole of my feet
    Are mine to gauge, criticize or to appreciate
    Unless it is touched or scarred
    My cocoa skin is a 19.4 ft protective sheet
    Unless gazed into and through
    My hazel eyes are limited to my less than 20/20 vision
    Unless beheld,
    My beauty is just a reflection,
    Wading in mirrors
    Swallowed by lakes
    Shrouded by shadows

    Look at me DAMMIT!

    Anyone ever feel like this???


    Significance.....being valuable unto yourself

    Lesson learned AGAIN: my destiny is not really where my life ends up but the different avenues my life takes me through. Others may pay me little mind, and not repeat nor respect what I say,  nor encourage me but I know for sure that my first word was not YOU so everyday i make it and everyday i achieve it and everyday i see it. I don't need anyone's vote to validate me but I know I would appreciate your support.

    if my father were Barack Obama....instead Lord thank you for my father
    if my mother were Hillary Clinton...instead thank you for my mother
    if my sisters were the Kardashians...instead thank you for my siblings
    if my friends were the Williams sisters...say I want to develop an art or talent I can share with my friends
    if my boyfriend were a football player...say well i don't know what to say here, am still working on it
    If my crib looked like Lala and Carmelo's home...say I want to build a home or develop houses
    If my children would look like that....say I want to raise good happy children
    If his proposal would sound like that...say I want to hear sincerity
    if my preacher were Rev Run....say I want to preach into others lives and them to preach into mine (Beware of false prophets though)
    I am pretty sure these people are not the greatest entities to exist in our world but they are quite highly paid to be of influence. Don't get caught up though. TV/internet will open up a whole new world for you where anything is possible as long as you are living in another person's shoes. I am trying not to forget my shoe size each time I turn on my twitter or visit a gossip blog. It used to be Rapunzel with the long golden hair who made us wear pillows on our head, now its all these 'celebrities' who are making us change even more. And the saddest thing is that we feed their egos, we nourish their existence by buying their albums, following them on twitter, watching their TV shows, follow their trends and clothing lines and what do they contribute to our lives? Entertainment? Insecurities? Conversation topics?...Why is it that we are not enough to entertain ourselves, set our own trends and inspire each other? Chicca, if it doesn't inspire you to stay in your skin and experience your life to the fullest using your own scales, then turn it off! Don't sell your life short for something that comes with commercials/sponsored advertisements...your life is a sweet deal! Launch from wherever you are....

    1 Corinthians 2:9

         “ Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
          Nor have entered into the heart of man
          The things which God has prepared for those who love Him


    Psalm 23:Get well soon Eileen

    1 The LORD is Eileen's shepherd;She shall not want.
    2 He makes her to lie down in green pastures;He leads her beside the still waters.
    3 He restores Eileen's soul;He leads Eileen in the paths of righteousness
    For His name's sake.
    4 Yea, though Eileen walks through the valley of the shadow of death,
    She will fear no evil;
    For You are with her;
    Your rod and Your staff, they comfort her.
    5 You prepare a table before Eileen in the presence of her enemies;
    You anoint her head with oil;Her cup runs over.
    6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow Eileen All the days of her life;
    And she will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.


    How did we get from That to This?


    Proverbs 4:23 

    Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life


    Do you really want to succeed!

    God did rest on the 7th day..but do you remember what He had to create to finally deserve rest? Jesus took time out to rest...do you remember where he slept? On boats in the middle of storms! In prayer! Do you really want to achieve? Beyonce, 50 Cent etc may not be your greatest influences but who is yours then? What does it take to emulate the person who most inspires you to be different? What does it take to become a greater you? What do you have to give up? Who do you have to give up? Who/what do you have to prioritize?


    Throwback: Escapar

    Yes the Spanish version. I learnt this off by heart when I was 19 so I could impress Enrique one day. I even found a guy at uni who looked exactly like him and I stalked him till the cows came home hehe. Seriously, I waited for him to come back from club and knocked on his door so we could chat (seriously just talk), I bought similar pumas to his so he could compliment them (or at least see that we had the same taste). He complimented my pants once, i wore them every second day after that...mmm I wonder where he is now...


    Depressed? Sad? Alone?Lost?

    Psalm 32:3 
    When I kept silent, my bones grew old
             Through my groaning all the day long.

    Sometimes pain distracts/deters you from asking for healing...despair makes you think that you will never get past it. But KNOW, maybe not at that moment but eventually you will BE past it.

    Call a friend or family to help you through it. although they may annoy you at first with little quotes or bible verses or whatever, those encouraging words strung together with love, laughs and hope eventually become a song that can ease your pain. pick up the phone, send a text...talk to someone. Don't be afraid to let someone in on that little secret-->that you are hurting of course.  No man is an island and your feelings are part of this economy too, along with your jobs, school, raising family, daily chores, exercise regimes, eating etc. If you can laugh in public, you can cry in public too...that is your calling card to seek help. You  don't have to wait till you are in an enclosed space, alone with a sad movie on and then express yourself. There is honor even in vulnerability and fragility. There is strength and a voice in your tears. Do not be ashamed.

    Point is, we are the angels we so desperately want to look over us. Go out of your way today and lift someone's spirit up. B an angel! Offer your kindness, sincerity, conversation, time to someone in need. Don't trivialize your hellos and how are yous anymore! Listen, pay attention because there is probably somebody sitting right next to you distracted by pain, sometimes even too numb to even shout or yell out for help. Reach out and touch someone, comfort them, hold them. Faith without action is pointless so your 'hope' that they will be fine is simply not enough. ACT and give that person something to truly believe in.

    You are the SOLUTION to the question: How can there be a GOD if He doesn't wipe my tears away? (emotions are part of the economy too)


    Dear Grandma

    I miss you terribly. I can't believe I won't see you in this life anymore. I am going to miss
    - stopping at TM for an emergency loo break
    -going to Norton just to sleep on your bed
    -introducing you to my boyfriends and hearing your opinion of them
    -the interesting stories about you riding a bicycle when you used to   
    train women 
     -You saying Jack, Pssh' or 'Syke' in answer to our 'Wassap Gogo!
    -you wearing those dark glasses even when it was clear you didn't need them anymore
    -stopping at that farm to buy cabbages for your children
    - us sneaking chibage for you
    -buying derere for you 
    -you cracking jokes at the hospital 
    -miss everyone calling you Frend (not a spelling error)
    -miss mama doing your nails
    -dropping you off at the ETs
    -going to the wrong appointments
    -making us sit in the corridor when there was lightning
    -watching you do tye-n-dyes, crocheting, knitting and beading jewelry for us
    -going to buy wool together
    -recharging/stealing the phone to call your friends
    -being mad at you when you 'overworried' about us and your daughters. Whose going to do that now?
    I am sorry I couldn't visit you in hospital. I just never thought it was the end. I never believed it. I never believe it. Now its been a year and I really wish you were on a vacation. I miss everything about you. I wish I could have been there for you more...You are my legend, my hera. I love you Frend. I hope to see you in eternity! (I would say Wassap Frend and you would say Jack)


    TI ft Keri Hilson I got your back!

     I love TI and Tiny...again with the shortness

    When he is shorT of breaTh, girl you know its cause he is shorT of you; 
    Raise up your man's swag and get his back.

    Love is for die (#zimtalk), 
    Through all them thicks and thins, he is still the same man under that label's skin.


    LeSSonS: If you never ask, you never know...

    Most of my posts have been about moving on from exes and this is no different...I am moving on and moving out from my LAST potential crush...an ex of a trillion years ago but I loved him for ages and I kept revisiting his life to see if he was still single? interested? (You know, not house calls but follow ups).

    So this week I grew balls and asked him whether him and I would ever be a possibility...He said:

    He is afraid of the implications of embarking on a long term relationship
    He is in a relationship (definite no no)
    Our priorities are just different

    I could launch into an analysis of these statements but more often than you think, it is better to take the words as they are so I got my release forms today people and I am getting on that bus....No clue where its headed yet but at least now I know that I haven't left any men behind! Below R some helpful tools 2 make getting over it AL a tad bit easier. But the greatest of these, although not pictured below is
    A REALITY CHECK- free and easily accessible and all you need to do is ASK!


    Miss T has come a very long way.....

     i have come from fear, from feeling delicate and trying to protect my heart from feeling.
    from expecting the world to wrap me in cotton wool so i wouldn't hurt;
    from needing time to become myself;
    when I already AM,
    bruised or not at all.

     now i am here, a little timid but a lot of bold!
    fear is not going to keep me from expressing myself
    if expressing myself is the one action that 'betters' me.
    here i am world, 'do with it what you will'
    here are my love, my thoughts, my ideas


    Goodbye Ms JayJay!

    SO Terius Nash announces he is separated from Christina Milian after being photographed frolicking with another woman..This struck a cord with me and I have just figured why I was so mad...
    Its an 'everybody in the club' who has had a 'heart-breaker, you got the best of me' moment 'put your hands up' *both hands shoot up*!!!!!!
    My first real heart break came about when the 'love of my 17-22 years old moment' told me he had a son and a live-in girlfriend and I hadn't know about this until he got stabbed and he had to explain into whose care he was being discharged-excuse the phrasing of the sentence. Because he was in so much pain and he was so helpless, I never had a chance to get really mad at him. I simply told him that it was okay and he should be with his baby mama because she could look after him and she had good reason to. Because he fathered her child and she obviously loved him. I suppose, I would have done the same thing too, nursed him to health if I wasn't living with my parents and going back to uni in Australia blah blah. I would have done the same thing even if I knew he had a girlfriend on the side (she had known about me all along). I remember ringing him on his mobile after the incident to check on how he was doing. His girlfriend and I would have a civil conversation and even laugh about a thing or two. I mean what do you do when you have a common interest like that? We had cut the physical ties but he had me emotionally (even as I write). 

    Anyway, I would like to apologise to the real Mrs Jackson for the pain he caused her while with me. You and I are women and we are more than similar, we are sisters- we go through the same thing every dang month, we are nurturers, we descend from Eve and her pains are both our pains and her joys and needs are the same as ours. You deserved all of your man yet he split himself into two.
    (Genesis 3.16)

    Today, I thought I was mad at The Dream for Christina's sake and all those women who had men who played them or men who manipulated them into a 'jumpoff' status- I thought 'these poor women'. These poor women at the mercy of such ironically 'merciless' men; 2-minute men who fed their egos by scoring beautiful women who they made feel worthless because they cheated openly and strung them on emotionally and sometimes physically; these rogues who occasionally threw in unexpected compliments like throwing a dog a snack- anything to keep these women chewing on something till they could give them their full attention; these men who sent messages saying 'i worry about you' to express their concern yet in the same breath belittling these women's abilities to look after themselves; these men who reminded these women of the secrets they shared to lure them to the past so they can have their way with them again; these men who declared 'how difficult it was to get through to these women' because one night and one night only, this woman was not taken in by his typical advances and it dawned on him that this WOMAN wanted more than his leftover time...these men who run toward the exit sign under the guise of 'I don't know what she wants from me, I have done everything I can.......'

    But not my man!(Lesson learned: always think twice and check your references before saying something like that) 'He never did any of these things', I tell myself. 'He never hurt me like that'.  Duh because he was my first boyfriend, I had never been hurt like that before, so naturally, I did not recognise the pain that was creeping into my life over the years and quietly making me so 'subconsciously embittered'. I masked this pain with 'how much I loved him' and never really weighed the relationship according to 'how much he loved me'. Fact: A person who truly loves you wouldn't get you into such a hot mess but a selfish person would! A person who loves you endeavors to protect you even if it means not being with you. Another Fact: They love the ones they stay with--->cheating or not cheating. The value tends to be higher at the place he strays from rather than the place he is straying to.

    FLASH FORWARD he had his second son (somewhere in between emailing i miss yous and long distance calls to Oz and telling me it was his sister's baby); he got engaged to that baby mama; and he continued to email  me to check on me. The pitiful thing is that I would often imagine being a step-mommy to his children if it didn't work out between them- okay maybe not imagine but in my heart of hearts, if he needed me to be, I thought I would and I would deal with the drama later. Probably until right now, I would have had his baby (because one lazy day he said that he would love to have a little girl with me and I have just realised I need to bury that memory for my sake). Again sorry to TheRealMrsJayJay for having such thoughts about your husband.

    You friggin' hurt me Mr JayJay. You manipulated me into giving the best of my naivete to you. You should have known better. You made me a 'sideline beep' when i should have been more.  I am so happy I realised this because I had begun to portray you as 'my ideal man' yet you weren't. I have a new opportunity now to meet someone who is ranked above that kind of foolery. I look forward to new hands carrying my heart and stroking my skin. I look forward to fresh affection and new conversation topics. I look forward to new experiences and new memories now. The pedestal just fell to the ground.. Perhaps I judged you harshly MrJayJay, maybe you didn't know any better but thank the Lord, that's not my problem to fix...I am moving past and on. Do I forgive you? Haha thats funny, I gave you a lot of things and I guess I have no reason to hold one more thing back. I forgive you because I need to. Its funny because I gave your ring away, your clothes away, your gifts away, but I never knew why I couldn't shake you off till now (I hadn't really seen the pain you caused me until I recognised it in someone else's life) finally I know that your beautiful face doesn't 'cover all manners of sin', it doesn't account for anything at all in my life anymore...it is what it is, a face that belongs to someone I was once in love with.

    Dear Men, learn to exercise your love, patience and tolerance muscle instead of stretching your lustful  membranes. Work it out with your girls. Sometimes variety is not the spice of life! Weak men stay in the shallow end but strong, courageous men go into the deep end and work to obtain strong, lasting relationships Don't let fear hold you back from something you will gain honour and respect for...

    So all you boys out there with the same M.O you should be mindful that you may have daughters too and if you don't start protecting their little hearts by becoming better men TODAY who influence the younger generation to be better men-->you might as well get familiar with the words in this blogpost and prepare for the worst.