Dear This Man
This man who was loved by the Lord so much, he was blessed with the ability to lead a group, which prayed for me and blessed me with their faith as I walked toward the journey of my salvation. This man who I began going to church for (seriously)because I had a crush on him. This man who was such a great example of a good man that he began the process of restoring my faith in the hope that this generation of men was indeed promised to God. This man, Thank you for your faith, thank you for the lessons, Thank you for being one of God’s many instruments toward Jesus.

Dear This Girl
This girl who loved God so much, she never gave up on me. This girl who stayed and honored me with her hope even when I blatantly did wrong. This girl who held my confessions close to her heart and kept them between God and herself. This girl who gave me a bed to lay on when I had none. This girl who opened up her home, her pantry, her life to witness to me. This girl who stands by me even when we are apart. This girl who mirrors God’s joyful spirit and this very Joy, healed my once wounded spirit. Thank you for your willingness to follow God’s footsteps so I could follow you through my admiration of your willpower to the Lord’s cross.

Dear God
There are many ways to get to the steeple, and many ways to enter the church doors, and one narrow way to enter into heaven. I thank You that Jesus found me in spite of myself and the distractions I tried to create or momentarily(22years!)submitted to. Your will prevails always. I like Your will because its designed to prosper me and everyone else.You are faithful, even when I am not. You lead me even when I hesitate to follow. You are patient. You are kind and gracious even if I am undeserving. God, YOu are holy and mighty and yet You are with mere-me. You are unbelievably believable! Wow. Amen

All my love and appreciation,



SiblinG BibalRy

i had written a very 'flowery' introduction in a bid to justify my behaviour and I have decided to delete it. Well, because I am trying to stop throwing these pity parties..i don't like the people who come and I especially don't enjoy attending them. I had an argument with my elder sister=number 2 sis!

My weakness is raising my voice in confrontations of any kind. In an argument setting, I can feel my voice rising and I become a bit pitchy but I CANNOT stop it. I find that those who stay calm and deliberately lower their intonations appear to be the more intelligent side and their arguments always seem more well composed. My pitch, on the other hand, rises and the more I need to say, the squeakier it becomes..in the end, I shriek away my sensible defense. Noone pays attention after that and they start on the Tantrum Approach they used on me since i was about 12. Do you have to shout? Could you not have told me earlier if that was how you felt? Can you be more respectful? And here I am, trying to bring the best of my argument skillZ to the table waitered on by the Pacifier herself!

How do I say lets start over and please pay attention when she is on the winning end of the race because she got me squealing and frazzled? (Will she really be prepared to lose marks so we can solve this?) How do I start again when I am trying to walk away and she keeps asking these questions to which I have no answers at the time...I want to address the issue and she wants to undress it and uncover all the underlying issues that led up to the event. (Here I launched into another miserable pity patry so i had to DELETE- excuse the unflowy nature of this post. I am venting)BLAH BLAH until she asks "oh but are we arguing? I thought we were just talking and you started yelling at me". I must say I felt like she started ALL THIS with her Queen of Passive Agressivo act and we were in this argument together. Even hush hush tones spoken out of tension qualify as part of an argument-the point is we were in it together and she pulled the 21 questions card instead of just "playing along".


The strangest thing happenZ when faced with MortaLitY
I woke up today and I had a splitting headache, in fact it was splitting only that it was dividing the right side of my head from the left side. It was the left side that was aching. It was like bubbles of pain rising from one arm through to the base of my head and proliferating in my eyeball. Agh, I couldn’t toss nor turn, I had to keep my head steady and then when there was a split second of painlessness, I grabbed my panadols and drowned them with cool water then AAAAAAAH, it came again. The supposed source of my healing spiraled me into further pain. After five minutes, I reluctantly got up to run my bath water.Yes, I was going to go to work. I told mum that I had a headache when I couldn’t even lift my head from my shoulder…It was the worst 30 minutes of my day and I still wanted to go to work!


Gender MensiTive

I need to be sensitive to Men so I am dedicating good, noble, kind, virtuous, mature, hopeful thoughts and actions to the Men I encounter. I heard from mum that the only reason I must look down on someone is to help them up so I am choosing to be mensitive today..

I have a huge “crush” on these families on facebook. I stay in touch, I check in to see how they are. I recommend little things for them, they do the same for me. I guess little tings about them and sometimes I am right. Without wanting to be too weird, they are sometimes part of my dreams. Is that crazy? I pray for these people wifout ever needing to know everything about them. The fact that they are family-oriented makes me happy, loyal and prayerful for them.

I have a huge “crush” on some girls/women in my social circle (blogville, fb,twitter,real life,high school,primary school, uni, workmates)..okay these girls are beautiful, remarkarble people who have achieved so much and their personalities are so striking and strong. They are such amazing packages. Some have children, jobs, ideas, passion and dedication…I can’t but toot their horns right now. Even if I hear dodgy stories or have had dodge encounters with them, it doesn’t matter, I hope always for the best for them.

Then there are the boois…I have a little crush on one but my dream guy (yes the one in my head) thwarts him so yip. I find it so ARDUOUS to admire men or boys except if they are at a distance oR they are lyricists/preachers/songwriters/employed...sometimes athletes but their player mode precedes them (see how judgmental I am?). Anyway, I have to apologise to the LAYMAN…I have been viewing men from a ‘potential-to-be-mine’ or ‘prove-me-wrong’ perspective but that aint right. I look at their clothes, I engage them in conversation, I take a walk with them, I work with them, I hang with them and at the end of the day, I put them in a categories like…

a. Only speak to me in your dreams please
b. IF these changes were made, I would seriously consider hooking him up with my friend
c. FRIEND for life, if he doesn’t like it, HIGHWAY
d. JUST FRIENDS, please stick around because you are so funny
e. If you put a ring on it, I will jump your ******, you just wait- but I haven’t met him yet
f. Its not because your “popular” (really that is the basis of your appeal and I would hate to sound like a stalker but erm), but you are a really great guy and erm

I am turning over a new leaf…I am going to try and treat guys as just guys. No longer trying to see if your last name looks good on me and no more judging! You men, are up against a lot in this world-there are so many things just trying to bring you down or lead you astray..I judged you harshly!

Dear boys, men, brothers, uncles, fathers. You have a right to have good days and bad days, say no rubbish or more rubbish, to have kids or no kids, baby mamas or none, broke or rich, sober or not, faithful or cheating, Christian or otherwise, its YOUR RIGHT! Here, I am giving my perception of men back…And I hope its not too late for me and I can still make it a habit to just RESPECT you as you ARE just as I would like to be treated.

She without sin must cast the first stone…i have learnt that as a woman I am not physically strong to contend with a man and bring him outside the gates of the city and pick up rocks and hurl them at him if he does me wrong...But I WILL bring them down in my mind or with a stare or an attitude; or disregard anything you say; or manipulate them, use sarcasm they won't get just so I feel smarter sooooo

I am standing by my brothers today!


who knew
it would be you
awakening my heart from beyond the grave
encouraging me to push through
and to live through
and especially to love through it all.
who knew?

life is not easy
love is even harder
forgiveness is the worst of them all
and giving up on these three was like stifling my breath
and unlearning everything from birth
when of course to breathe, i had to cry
so i suppose i just have to try...
to love you again and to forgive you some more