Goodbye Love and Basketball

So today, I watched what I had always thought was the best movie ever...and I had a reality check. I will probably always love that movie but it is time to let go the influence it has upon me. Today, my eyes were opened!!!
  1. Sanaa Lathan in the very first few minutes decides to become girlfriend to the guy who pushed her to the ground because he didn't want to lose a game. Given they were only 10 at the time, I can excuse it as the unmistakable 'he hits if you likes you', 'he chases you around the playground if he likes you', 'he steals your hat if he likes you' myths that are not only untrue but are painfully so. (Case in point: Mtandwa hit me on my back in primary school and I am still looking for that dude because somewhere in my head I think he liked me- this kind of behaviour should not be encouraged)
  2. Omar Epps is the hot shot in high school and all the pretty girls want to be with him. Somehow, all the pretty girls are made out to be 'trashy whores' (please note these girls are not light-skinned played by Gabrielle Union, Shar Jackson etc Another stereotype??). Again, this is not necessarily true in life. I have hated my fair share of pretty girls thinking that they lack substance, and are too 'grown-up for their own good' and they 'sleep around' and steal your man when you are too busy having an ugly day. Hmmm, given its taken me more than a quarter of a century to think of myself as 'pretty', I am not going to accept that derogatory outlook on pretty people without a fight! (I would sincerely like to apologise to all the pretty girls I victimized in all my primary schools. In high school, I couldn't really bully you but I begrudged you of everything and in uni, well, I secretly b#tched about you until I got to know you better of  course. I am so sorry).
  3. Sanaa wasn't ugly or remotely bad looking just because she tied a pony-tail throughout high school and college and played basketball. That girl did not suddenly become the 'belle of the ball' because she put on a tight white dress, got her hair did and wore heels on prom night, she had always been the 'belle of the court' and just a beauty. I guess all I am saying is that to impress an audience of a certain kind, you have to dress the part, but to be beautiful, you only have to be yourself darn it! (This here goes out to my friend's teammate who I dissed once. Now I know the extent of another human being's physical ugliness is a mere reflection of mine).
  4. Them kids had no business having sex at that age and making it seem all cool and nice when its her first time. From what I hear, a girl's first time HURTS!  There never really is that guarantee that you will be a couple after that...anyway unless you already were of course. (If your experience was different and special, please enlighten us).
  5. Blah blah to all the other bits which didn't hit me as much as this next one....
  6. It is not cute to pine over a guy for 5 years, then (even if he he is not engaged) tell him how you feel. Boo hoo, that boy may not get back with you just because you still like him. He may enjoy playing 'basketball' with you in the middle of the night because you are buddies of course and he gets some 'first mover' advantages but 5 years is a long time girlchild to expect to get that sizzle back. Just because he was your first doesn't mean jack all! And if you are chasing him down, it probably is because he was your first...you poor thing! So before you go there, do you really want to put yourself through all that? (this is to all the virgins out there, don't let movies fool you into believing that sleeping with your high school sweetheart is the greatest thing since facebook- its not really, in the long run anyway, you will see. TRUST ME)
  7. My lesson learned is If you get the chance to leave the country and pursue your dream, take your heart with you wherever you go. Don't leave it with your ex!(And if you bump into him abroad, don't try and rekindle anything please. This could be hazardous to your health. Yes I have done it all  before. If there's unfinished business , sometimes it means you had no business starting it in the first place. Just move on graciously).
kisses n cuddles


P.S I think I will watch brown sugar now hehe just to see the misconceptions I had of love more clearly.


Gone are the days....

... of hating or not getting along with your current's ex especially if there is kids involved. Its time to take a step up to a higher level of thinking and protect the children's interest first! The beef between the exes is over..it's official!

Special mention to Lil Wayne and his baby mommas and ex-wife and how they all get along and tweet each other and stuff. You know, if you are on your way to being a stepmom or still a girlfriend to a man who has kids (AND IS UNMARRIED), don't try and pretend they are not there or act like you will deal with them if things get serious. Introduce yourself, introduce your heart to theirs. Be glad about it too. Meet the baby's mama if you can, establish a relationship (a good one, if not at first, work at it until it is a good one). 

Don't feel like you are there to replace anyone from a previous relationship. Be you! Do not think of yourselves as competing, trying to win and keep the man's heart-->you are simply sharing a time and space with the best of each other, i mean the best that either of you are at that time. Its your time to bless someone with the person you are and you should allow them to do the same too.

Don't try diminish the relationship by dramatizing his past or your past....you done did it, now its finished! No more strings attached unless an umbilical cord is involved of course. Then be a good woman who can encourage her man to be the best ex, the best father to his children, the best son to his parents, and a good  friend to his buddies. Help him and show him how to be the best man for you too. I mean if he is good to so many people, there is a higher chance of him being good to you too, I guess. Sure the relationship may end...but that's an entry for another day. 

Have a look at the Pinkett-Smith clan below

God Bless you all and have a lovely day


the Greatest Fight of All

I have learnt from Mike that the most insecure people have the most to prove- to themselves, to the world.
I have learnt that healing and growth has to be 'AN INSIDE JOB'. (with help from Above)
I have learnt that when we are young, we all make mistakes and 'a mistake has no right to your destiny'.
I have learnt that when you fight others all the time, it means you are 'probably beating yourself up on the inside'. (Again your insecurities, your fears, your guilt, your losses and your pain are probably provoking you).
A man who doesn't cry is like a caged animal.
One day, you will find someone who sees you for who you will become while sticking around for who you are (at the time).
We are the 'Circumstantial Evidence'. We are byproducts of our environments; our environments can teach us anything: to overcome tragedies, love, fight, abuse, womanize, get educated, persevere.... . We really need to try and create a good environment for each other, where we can breed wisdom and exercise it too.

This post is dedicated to my father. I love you forever. I love who you are and who you are becoming. I appreciate you. Happy Birthday.


....likes Aaron Fresh

This booi is growing on me. Kinda feel bad for Chris Brown cause it feels like he is stealing Chris' steez (maybe its just the complexion) but with a proper Rihanna Island flavour-like. And well Nick looks like his hand was in the candy jar..lips all red! What's with Jackie's mullet?  Anyway, looking forward to the vid, I have been practising the dirty girl wine too...I can't keep up.

Back to QA study....I would sleep but

bed's not looking very attractive right now..plus books everywhere too...


today's lesson: craving the Word

The thing is I love tea and chocolate and I crave these things only so often coz half the time I am already having them so never have a chance to miss them. When I don't have my tea, I am a little lethargic, headachy and p'd off and when I don't have chocolate....whell, i have turbulent emotions seriously. Anyway I realised that, when I am not nsync with the Lord, my craving for His word manifests in other ways too....emotional upsets, anxety, doubt, loneliness blah blah.It is true man cannot live on bread alone! Remain in the Word and He will remain in you and things of this world will hardly make a dent in your life. I will no longer deny myself of the good things God has given me.



 My heart can't leave you 'cause you are standing in its doorway.....tnm

I  miss the Rod Stewart, Sting, Bryan Adams, Jon Secada days...music moved your soul back in the day. made you fall in love with the most unusual suspects. Nowadays, music takes you to the bedroom where you are supposed to 're-invent sex' and wake up the 'neighbours' then it takes you  'on to the next' and leaves you so 'over' love.

Wha2Do when your man is crying...in public

She never cared about who got the credit,' the president said. 'What she cared about was the cause. The cause of justice, the cause of equality, the cause of opportunity, freedom's cause.'

No real clue who Dorothy Heights is but seeing Obama cry reminds me of my grandfather. He was so sensitive, he cried at everything. He also had a little bit of undiagnosed 'depression' I think but hey. I see the sidelook Michelle is giving him. I wonder how Michelle must feel sitting by her man and watching tears fall...I mean don't you feel like edging a little closer, putting your hand on his lap just to comfort him.--->Men: What should your real life first lady do? Would you like her to look away, acknowledge it huh?

Check out an old MJ interview below....