Cleansing stream...TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS

iwanttogetmarried, have a beautiful life with my husband, and have a family and a God-filled home. Amen
I have become aware that to prepare myself for marriage, I have to clean my temple up like Jesus did the temple in Jerusalem. I need to sweep my soul up and make it the house of worship it was intended for...
Not really sure how i am going to do it but i have a list of what i need to get rid off......God will just have to direct the rest.


Day 1 is asking God to reveal to me what needs to come out of my mind, heart and spirit...
I will write a list at end of day to share what HE says....



what i got from watching Britney and Kevin: Chaotic episodes is that:
apparently a man wants to be loved by a woman who is way above his standard yet loves him as much as anyone needs air...even if he feels like he is not as valuable as the air...as long as she acts and feels that he is. He wants a woman who makes him believe that he CAN always come back home...

a woman wants to love a man so much that her love for anything else pales in comparison. When she feels that way about him, even if he has potential to hurt her, it will never hurt more than she loves him. She wants a man who makes her believe that she will never choose to leave him..


bREAthe geNTLe

sometimes the day takes its first breath
and you don't even notice;
you don't even see the mist rise
or the dew slowly being drunk by the roots of the trees;
and you don't see the flowers yawn and bloom into their feisty, fierce and bold selves.
you don't see the bees get excited as their 'pantries' open,
or the birds crane their necks to tune their voices.
you don't see that each day is positioned on the verge of something remarkable;
something new,
something no eye has seen;
no words will have ever been spoken the way they are spoken each new day;
the thoughts are not the same.
the ideas are not the same.
the hope even shifts a little bit.

God! What do you want from me???

In more serious affairs, i feel like i am not praying enough or God is telling me something cause I haven't gotten the things i have been asking for recently. I just don't feel that Him and I are insync because the recent occurences haven't brought me joy or delight as God's reigning Hand on my life should....I find myself screaming, shouting and absolutely enraged at the turns I am having to make....I am constantly asking Lord, what's the reason? What's the purpose? Others have also been dealt a pretty unexpected hand but in less than a night, it has turned around to something really blessed for them. Lord I need to see Your face in this, I can see Your Hand only as far as my eyes can see but I need to see the expression on Your face saying its cool, its alright, I know what I am doing...I am tired of smiling outwardly and professing faith in other people's situations but never really in my own circumstance. All the while, I am scratching  and pulling at the walls of my insides in anguish...I want to be happy for me too!



(SSS=toned down version of triple x) yes i don't do explicit lyrics/behaviour ..those are relics of my past i guess but i have battles, Lord do I have battles! sometimes my mind is like a gutter, full of ignoble; nonvirtuous?, unholy, unkind, unloving, ungracious, lustful thoughts--> that's my confession, and I NEED PRAYER!

ANYWAY, this past MONTH i have learnt lot which has opened the door to understanding quite a few things....

i get how you can be lonely enough that you can enter the worst brutal relationship just to feel something....

i get how pressing a weapon to your temple in your imagination can easily become a reality....

i get how quickly one's mood swings and noone can reset it to normal especially when you desperately need to be rational...