God! What do you want from me???

In more serious affairs, i feel like i am not praying enough or God is telling me something cause I haven't gotten the things i have been asking for recently. I just don't feel that Him and I are insync because the recent occurences haven't brought me joy or delight as God's reigning Hand on my life should....I find myself screaming, shouting and absolutely enraged at the turns I am having to make....I am constantly asking Lord, what's the reason? What's the purpose? Others have also been dealt a pretty unexpected hand but in less than a night, it has turned around to something really blessed for them. Lord I need to see Your face in this, I can see Your Hand only as far as my eyes can see but I need to see the expression on Your face saying its cool, its alright, I know what I am doing...I am tired of smiling outwardly and professing faith in other people's situations but never really in my own circumstance. All the while, I am scratching  and pulling at the walls of my insides in anguish...I want to be happy for me too!

yes it feels exactly like Talkoum has gone to sleep again and she needs to be raised up again...its only Tendi here, only me struggling with assignments, struggling with concentration, fantasizing about my own great family, a little disappointed/doubtful of a family member's deeds; hoping one day I will earn a proper salary and contribute to my family's wellbeing; its only me.....waiting on You Lord so I may soar like an eagle above this crappery.


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