It annoys me to write about this period in my life in this way because I know the picture is so much greater than what I am experiencing right now. I sound like an ungrateful spoilt kid but TBT Being a consultant is some lonely stuff! (Like the previous occupant in Room 1, I wish I could fly in my spouse or my child from the future. Ladies and gentleman, God was rightà It is not good for (wo)man to be alone! Two are really better than one!). Its like the MonaLisa and da Vinci has just begun to mix the colours it seems. There has to be more! There is more! I believe there is more!!
I am living in a bed and breakfast and making new family units nearly every week. God is growing my family and the number of people I interact with. It is only upon reflection of the last statement do I realise or catch a glimpse of God’s purpose for me. What do I speak into these people’s lives? What values do I show them? How do I represent God? At the most, I know I haven’t been really doing a good job because I have been fighting my own internal issues like missing my family and friends; feeling ostracized at work because of the language, gender and age barriers so it almost appears I have nothing in common with anyone. The breaks I take when am at work are full of Skype messaging, facebook commenting, blog surfing and never just a conversation with the faces around me. They say ‘dumela me, upela joang?’ and leave me to my own devices. So I have found comfort in music....I plug my earphones in and allow the beat to tend to my loneliness, to fill my one-way convos with words and to answer my daydreams with some ‘deep lyric’ about commitment and love. I listen to this music on my way to the taxis in the morning, in the taxi, as I enter the office, while I research, as I write up my findings, when I leave for the taxis and in the taxis, on long walk back home....until the next day of course.
Well at the B&B..I have family: there are the two cousins who work there in the morning (well only in the three hours after they get there) and then they have R&R for the next 8 hours till their shift is over. Then they complain how hard life is because they get up at four and start working at six. (i remember waking up at 4 too after an evening shift at a nursing home to catch another morning shift before my afternoon classes) I keep trying to tell them that life is not easy. The currencies differ but c’mon son...its your act that gets things together not the money so GET IT TOGETHER girlies!
Then there’s my other little big sister who has my mother’s name. She is trying to find her way from undisclosed pain (undisclosed to herself of course, I can see it because that was me 7 years ago except hers has a twist). I know now that the most unsustainable painkiller is rebellion (but she doesn’t) because after a while noone cares and noone instructs you and then your conscience starts speaking louder because that is the only voice of reason but you try to drown it.....Needless to say, I love this girl so much. She is fun, ambitious and looking for a good Zim husband. Anyone know a good wholesome God-fearing free agent who will just love her as she needs to be loved?