When do you suppose we begin to let sleeping dogs lie? When do you suppose, we leave the past in the past? I sat across the room today from you. I heard you speak and I think it may have been a joke you were telling and I recognized how hard you were going to laugh because your abs were becoming tense and your face had begun to glow. I felt repulsed. I felt angry and deceived and I knew I had a problem. I knew there was a demon digging a hole beside me trying to make me fall into a place of pain and hurt and disappointment. Good thing I recognized him because I would have picked up the nearest object, hurled it across the room in one breath and regretted it in the next.
I saw you walk by and you had the usual back pack you carry. Your long arms were tapping against your hip to some BEAT with which you had just newly become acquainted. I recognized the smile creeping up on your cheeks and at once I felt myself getting all hot and flushed. A rush of emotions nearly knocked me off my feet. Dammit I loved you all over again.
I read your email. AS IF I needed to be accepted into your university. And I heard that job was crap anyway. You have a high staff turnover! Your ablutions are appalling and the salary is not that great! The truth is you could afford me if you asked. I would work in your backseat only if it meant I would get to keep my clothes on and gain unequivocal knowledge from slaving in your presence…
I saw that you are in a great relationship on facebook and I had palpitations. I questioned your deserving nature. It seemed you were once again the favourite and the silver lining only showing on your clouds…I wished you well..did I mean it?
I want to be torn from remorse and regret as easily as I am pressed against it. I want to be farther from jealousy as the devil is from retribution. I want to be painted into bliss and acceptance and joy.. When does hell finally freeze over so I can be I.