5/20/09

wHat I think About at Work..

If my workmates knew me then, they wouldn’t dare!

“Sit here young lady”, my grandmother pointed to the ground she was sitting on with her zambia spread out to protect her from ants and other sorts crawling on the ground. I refused and remained standing in my blue transparent skirt and crocheted top. I was going to meet my boyfriend at the shops and there was no stopping me. This was as cute as I wanted to look. She looked at me and asked if I were going out like that and I said Yes, unflinching. No room for apologies here. Then I asked her, Will you love me any less if I went out like this? Will I cease to be your grandchild?

There’s this one teacher who told me I wouldn’t go very far if I persisted in my rudeness. I had rolled my eyes at her and barked something in my defense after being accused of shouting/yelling/hitting a boy. I was defending myself is all I could say. I mean she comes with Experience and Authority and I come with what? A grade 4 education, an amateur’s certificate in solemn apologies and learners in sulking! I knew I was paling in comparison to her so I shouted. I needed leverage! I rolled them eyes and stood up for myself, literally. I was instantly heroine of the day in my grade 4 class.

Oh then there’s Waterlady. Fair enough we were having dancing lessons during prep but she stormed in, asked the music to be turned down and told us to get out! She paid no attention to the fact that we were training with a legitimate dance teacher employed by the school. Sure he had dreads. Sure he was black but Respect da teeeacher man! So I stepped to the edge of the stage, picked up my shoes, and stood up to my full five foot height and stared down into her watery blue-grey eyes, turned around and swung my booty as much as I could as I walked toward the exit. Next morning, fair enough, I am asked to see Waterlady in her office. In my defense, I said that my reaction had been a direct response to hers. If it came across rude it’s because she brought that out in me. I apologized for letting myself be so explicitly angered at her approach that she may be so offended. I told her that I did regret the repercussions of ‘our’ actions and I would not repeat my shortcomings. Would she?

Then once more, Waterlady and Roberto teamed up to tell me that putting up my hand 20 times after completion of an exam in order to go to the toilet was not allowed. I said, "Well if you had let me go the first time, we would never have had this problem". I didn’t really need the toilet; I wanted to leave the exam because I had finished early. I had no idea what to write and could not be bothered sitting there bargaining with my mind to give me information I had never studied for.

Somewhere along the line I started crying. I mean you go to a foreign country. You are employed in the worst job you could have imagined and working with the most condescending team you have come across but your getting PAID!! So Jase had accused me of messing up an order, hence delaying it and so my fair reward was being yelled at by Saa. I couldn’t stare him down, I just cried. Pitiful. The anger I swallowed that evening, (so I could keep my job) was colossal such that I must have choked on it and the tears spilled out. I resolved never to get that angry at my workplace until I met K-kul!!!!

Am I very different now? My emotions are mine now until PMS, then hormones take over, or except death then i have absolutely no control. Other than that I think that I expend them as I see fit not as much as I am provoked... Growth is weird.

3 comments:

K said...

growth...its an issue. Give them that side eye that says you just don't know...just DO NOT KNOW from whence I hail from! lol they lucky you cried.... but i hope things improve or change

Talitha Koum said...

change hun is what is needed..change but for now, this is the hand i am dealt..its my blessing n my lesson.

Talitha Koum said...

haha ur the K in my Koum!