linColn…at work of course!
Beautiful stranger…I saw you in the novel I am reading. You are a beautiful man. They have called you awkward but I have read on and particularly enjoy that you are so peculiar. I have begun to seek your quaintness wherever I am…hoping that in the midst of this world’s vulgar disorder, I can see you live and breathe. On black faces, the Indian race, white people, Asians? I can feel that the hope you had for equality amongst all mankind has been passed along generations as each man and woman wake each morning to go to work, to serve their children so they too become adequately equipped for their morrows. I can recognize the stomping of your feet; it’s like a call to the masses to plod on past hardships and tumultuous circumstances toward the betterment of our generation. I love that you are a survivor of sorts…you basically taught yourself to read and taught yourself law. I hope one day, or even today you will gravely influence the man I call mine.
I feel my self growing quieter. I am afraid I am losing myself in my thoughts. Is this who I am after 25. Pensive? Yes..Not boring, I just find myself quietened whether there is stillness or commotion. I also eat well now. Noone has to force me to finish my meals and I care so little about what my companions think regarding my food intake. Although I have a job, I desperately long for a career and expertise in my own niche. My mind reminds me always to keep striving, to keep challenging myself and to stop meditating on matters of death/loss within my family. Over these things, I am powerless; I resign them to the Hands of God. I argue less with men now. Although I don’t agree with some of them, I offer my opinion and ask relevant questions but I do not waste my fuel driving home a valid point to an ‘invalid’ mind. For my last sentence, I seek forgiveness from God.
Even though I despise lies, I no longer try to draw the truth out of clearly dry unremorseful wells. And I physically ache for those people who choose to reduce our lives to lies. I pray in my 26th year, since I am more aware of my previous ingratitude to my parents, my family and my God. I fight for joy and love on my knees as opposed to raising my voice and fighting against things and people. I am learning to be thankful that I cannot change people. I am, gratefully, receding to my childish days when I felt for the homeless man on the street and lost animals. I also am starting to believe again that pain goes away, eventually. Shame and embarrassment are no longer on my curriculum. My pants fall off, my pants fall off. I am currently pregnant with expectation and lately I dream of myself, giving birth and life to my hopes. I know now that God’s Will is my greatest inheritance…1. That I have life more abundantly; 2. Forgiveness for I hardly know what I am doing; 3. His plans that prosper me; and 4. Love the greatest of these.
Okay I have to work now…