This is for me as a Christian Single Woman who lives in Lalaland and vacations in reality. Thank you Jamie Watt.
First, realize that this guy is God’s son. You should be in a mindset from here-on-out that seeks to edify him and sanctify him—If your actions do anything that compromise his purity or harm his relationship with God, then you need to back away immediately.
Second, start praying for this guy. Do not pray about this guy, yet.
- praying for his life and spiritual growth, not about whether you should date him.
- praying for his well-being as soon as possible. In fact, the writer thinks it’s a good idea to pray for a handful of guys. You should pray regularly for your interactions with the closest guys in your life. After all, your husband will probably come from this grouping. Pray that you respect them. Pray that your friendship edifies them and their faith. Pray that you don’t lead them on or become flirtatious.
Third, find out if this guy is a Christian. The guy has to be a Christian for you to even begin to think about being pursued by him. I wait until this step to mention this, because it’s important to go through steps one and two with any guy in your life—Christian or non-Christian. However, hopefully this guy’s faith is not just one of the characteristics that legitimizes your crush but one of the very things that caused it.
Fourth, are you even ready to be dating? Just because you have a crush on a guy doesn’t mean you have to allow him to pursue you. If you’re not ready, then you are doing him a disservice if you allow him.
Fifth, begin to analyze the merits of this crush.
- Is it simply based on appearances or is there more to it?
- Do you admire his character? His faith? His personality? If the crush is simply based on appearances or a brief moment of chemistry, then don’t necessarily give up.
But you should begin to thoroughly analyze if this guy is really the one you’re looking for who follows the Biblical picture of a bride.
- Do I—as 1 Peter 3 says—have a gentle and quiet spirit that hopes in God?
- Do I—as Proverbs 31 says—open my hand to the poor and open my mouth with wisdom? Am I modest in the way I dress and conduct myself?
- Ephesians 5 describes a wife trusting and submitting to her husband; do I fit that model? Do I see myself being a good mother to our/his children? All of these questions might seem rather serious in nature.
- But at this point, I should be evaluating whether I am dateable. And there’s no sense dating if I already know that I do not follow the biblical scope of what kind of wife I want to be.
Sixth, ask myself if I can serve him. Can I help him grow in his walk with Christ? Can I challenge him? Don’t just analyze if he is right for me, but if I am right for him.
Seventh, seek the wisdom of Godly people. Ask wise people around you if they think you (or him) are ready for a relationship. Ask them if they think it would be a good match. And ask them for accountability if you do begin a courtship.
Eighth, begin a relationship with the intention of marriage. The whole “with the intention of marriage” thing might seem intimidating, but the writer has actually learned that spiritually mature girls are not afraid of it. In fact, they like it. Be serious. Don’t continue to flirt and lead him on. You should become friends and nothing more.
If all these steps seem like too much, then just realize that they are the only thing that differentiates you from a non-Christian woman in this process.