Intimacy Step #1: Proposing to God

There can be no intimacy without love and no love without God so here goes, with a humbled, broken and repentant heart, here is my proposal....
Lord, on New Years Eve of 2006, You invited me to sit at Your table, to partake of Your body and blood given up for me. I accepted. Today, I invite You to sit at mine. This is my body and this really is my blood, this is me. You are most patient and kind. You have never taken anything from me just because 'You envied me'. Even though I have nothing of worth that You could possibly envy, still You never boast about it and are never proud nor haughty. When You challenge me or inspire, it is for my own good and not self-seeking.  You are not easily angered nor hold grudges against me. You rejoice when I begin to know and understand truth. You always protect me, always trusting me (giving me freewill and all), always hope (You have no need to hope because You are the Hope), always persevering.....I want to be intimate with you. I want You to be all that is within me. I  request Your Divine Presence in everything I do. I would like Your company wherever I go. I want to tell and show You everything that is going on with me. I never want to hide a thing! I trust You so much and You can overcome all my fears. I am over the age of consent and I am entering this relationship knowingly (Yes I have read the Bible, I have felt Your Holy Spirit) so I get who You are but I want to know more about You for as long as I shall live...(Because of Your Son JC, I know this means forever <3). I don't deserve You but here we are today...You amaze me! 

If I have no love for myself, I cannot have love for others. I am commanded to love others as I love myself (Matth 22.39). So the platform from which I will launch 'my reformed and transformed spirit' is that of love. (From today there is no 'unconditional love', no 'real love' because I know that any love which is other than that, is not love at all).
The love I speak about is that love which comes from perfect knowledge of who I am, where I am going, what/who I have done and who I will become yet it remains steadfast, consistent, respectful and relentless. This love knows my worth and my beauty even beyond my knowledge of it. This love is the 'Constant Beholder' of my life yet it does not shun or reject me or call me names other than my own...especially when I am at my most unattractive, uncouth, impure. It STILL calls me by my name. It doesn't call me lazy, obstructive, foolish, ugly, dumb, silly, untalented...it calls me by my name regardless of the predicament I find myself in. Love calls me from anywhere. It is not ashamed of me.

I am going to enter the places within me which this love already pervades. I am going to look into the origin of all my thoughts; my concerns and my desires. I am going to give attention to all my emotions..yes I will validate all of them by acknowledging them. I  make a promise to hear them out- yes the grief, the laugh, the joy, the sorrow, the anger. I will no longer delay them for a more appropriate time. I will no longer wipe away unshed tears or ignore hunger pains. I will pay attention to my intuition, my gut feeling, my conscience. I will not ignore them as they tug at my mind vying for 'just one moment of my time' like a little child. I will no longer let my heart bleed in vain. I am going to love every moment of it as long as I shall live. -

I am going to try and work hard. I am going to be diligent in all I do. My efforts are going to be my best so I may be pleasing to 'my Omnipresent Audience.' When Love calls, it is natural for all your senses to respond

1 John 4. Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.
 Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another.  No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.........We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.If anyone says, "I love God," but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

(sidebar: i can safely say God was my first love now yaaaaaaaaaay)

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