6/26/10

Why?


Foundation Ambassadors from EGPAF on Vimeo.

Since completing exams, I have been battling with a question my parents paid 'all these monies' for me to be able to answer...Why do I want to be a Health Economist? Why did I choose this career path? Sure, I wrote a personal statement declaring how tired I was of watching people I loved dearly die around me due to insufficient healthcare..and how I wanted citizens of 'developing nations' to have the same healthcare available to those in more developed 'Western' nations. Alas, I find that these people whinge about their waiting times, timely access to dental care and other stuff  and some even die without care as wealthy as these nations are and sadly, I got disoriented and offtrack. I switched off, I stopped caring about my purpose after this degree and soon, all I wanted to achieve was a PASS (just to get through it) so I could get my degree and get on the next boat out of this country. 

I applied for a job last year, got an interview, BUT found that the only people in my course who got these positions to work in these developed nations as advisors were  'these people I wasn't comfortable with walking around in my backyard dishing out advice'. This just made me resent my course even more. Had bouts of depression, loneliness, brokenness too and I shunned my priorities to the back of mind-->lay in my bed, watched movies, tweeted, ate mostly ice-cream, takeouts, attended the regular Thursday Bible study meetings because I was chairing the meetings so I had to go...hated most minutes of my course and hated every inch of myself for wasting such a dream and opportunity. BLAH BLAH (obviously not all the time though *slight exaggeration*).

LSS: Today, I stand on the brink of receiving my exam results and I am hoping I passed, not only to please my parentals, but especially to walk in my purpose once again because I got my heart back, I got the passion back to not only pursue my dreams but to also help others live and realise theirs. How? Well, the pressure of applying for jobs and tailoring the CV, surveying organisations etc reminded me that God's plan for me was a not-for-profit plan. I have to keep walking that path and I am so at peace knowing that I may never 'abound' and probably will be 'abased' most of the time but I will be blessed and be a blessing even if I am a wandering preaching Health Economist. (At some point, you have to stop pretending that you don't know what your calling is and just get on with it).


Lord, I am just Tendayi and yet you purposed me to be here and to achieve Your plans. You carved this heart that beats beneath my skin...You created ths mind and the body it is in...Everything within me recognises Your Hand in my life..I never should have made it, I never would have made it and I have given myself every reason to doubt my own strength, my own willpower but there is no reason whatsoever to doubt Yours so make me a channel of Your purpose for myself and others. Amen.

FIRST STOP RWANDA...If I say it then I can start believing and planning for it. I am ready now! Let's Go!
PLUS I need to stop getting distracted by this relationship thing and truth be told, I am not ready to SETTLE DOWN. If Sir Right walked in today, I will probably leave him at the door to go and play with my Nephs and Nieces. So yup Mr Man, slow your roll....I am busy!

2 comments:

Lara said...

first time here and loving it. remember hating my course of study back in school, never really appreciated it while it school till my final year.have fun in Rwanda and make the difference you set out to make. All the best

Tendayi said...

oh thank you much! I really hope I make a difference and I look forward to the hour when I say 'it wasn't so bad'.