MiSTerY

I dont get him. He loves me, He loves me not. He loves her, He loves her not. Could someone invite me to the workings of a Husbands mind? I know it starts developing from the second his born, well before that, really, when he is in his mother's womb. Then why Husband do you choose to forget your once safest haven was under the skin of a female like me? You love me then leave her. You love me not then leave me. Don't keep me in this gloom, in this expectant state. One day its flowers, kisses, am not sure I smell it right. But I think sometimes its LOVE. you R such a mystery.

someTimes I thinK I love you until you screw me over and leave me for weeks and then I find myself still here, AtHome. waiting for you to come through the door, take off your shoes, sit on the sofa, watch some football, have the sadza I cook with the fish I grilled for you. Then, my husband, I know I love you.

For which misteress would do what i do? which misterEss would get on her knees and pray for you to be released from the devil's talons? which misterEss would love your children when you, their father, forget their birthdays? which misteress would wash your unwell mother? which misterEss would pray for the Almighty's forgiveness if she rightfully felt bitterness toward you?

You hurt me my Husband. You hurt me when you lay with me and expect more. you hurt me when i fear to love you freely for you can disease-me. you hurt me my husband because i still try to look beautiful and impress you. I pretend not to care but when you do..stop and stare..well that makes me joyful. You hurt me, my husband, when you don't pray with me. How then do i know your promises are true? twenty-so years ago, i loved you. i know twenty-so years more, i will love you.

just today live through my pain, my weakness, my sickness, my good health, my joy. stay with me through our vows.

agh..this was in my throat and i was pretending it wasn't! I am teared over these husbands who do not treat my sisters right! i hope i feel better after writing this. i really need to feel better so I can face them. i kinda do write when I am low don't I? Its just that when I am happy like my birthday this week, I am so busy singing and shouting from mountaintops. I am sorry blog..i do transference on you. its just that i aint got nobody i can call at 2am in a drunk stupor to tell them how messed up they are. Pweeeease wat drunken stupor? I don't drink! Believe you, me (ima call you Bee, blogs not such a fancy name is it?) Bee, your such a good listener and I owe you. I DO! hehe