7/13/09

The strangest thing happenZ when faced with MortaLitY
I woke up today and I had a splitting headache, in fact it was splitting only that it was dividing the right side of my head from the left side. It was the left side that was aching. It was like bubbles of pain rising from one arm through to the base of my head and proliferating in my eyeball. Agh, I couldn’t toss nor turn, I had to keep my head steady and then when there was a split second of painlessness, I grabbed my panadols and drowned them with cool water then AAAAAAAH, it came again. The supposed source of my healing spiraled me into further pain. After five minutes, I reluctantly got up to run my bath water.Yes, I was going to go to work. I told mum that I had a headache when I couldn’t even lift my head from my shoulder…It was the worst 30 minutes of my day and I still wanted to go to work!


You must know that I have had less painful incidences with my head and taken day/s off from work. But I have realized that each time I am in this much pain, and I feel like its my last day on this earth, I try my hardest to overcome and control how my last hours will be. I work hard and am at my friendliest-I speak to people I hardly speak with; I laugh at jokes that I wouldn’t normally laugh at; I live like mad. Although the call of God, Jesus, Lisa Lopes, MJ, my aunts (the three Liz’s), my grandfathers, Tate, my uncles and Ru is so enticing: I still fight NOT to exit this world as a victim of pain. So I have been taking my painkillers every two hours, struggling to lift my left hand up to do anything yet I walked to work and carried ALL my crap. I want to be remembered for being a fighter through my pain, heroine of my own tale. So here I am, willing the sick and desperately ill people well because if these last few hours of pain have shown me anything, it is that, we all want to grapple at the hours we have to make them meaningful and less torturous than they seem so we leave the best of ourselves in people’s memories.

Now, when you hear me calling in sick by myself and texting and laying in front of the tv watching “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway”-don’t worry your pretty little heads, I am just taking time out and recuperating. The worst of it comes when I am trying to stay on my feet, smiling and laughing-so watch your friends and loved ones carefully, listen to them well and always encourage them to be open because you never know when they are hiding behind masks and yet are being held together by masking tape….

Get well soon Gogo, ambuya and Aunt B, “Tiger, Tigeress, Lil Tigeress, Brother Tiger”, all my mummies. Loving you and praying for you.

2 comments:

Maff said...

You're going to make a GREAT mom one day - you're made of strong stuff I reckon :)

So, I'm rethinking my blogroll, should I put it back on. And if so, can I add you or are you exclusive to your own friendship group here?

Oooh, just noticed the little options for 'reactions' under your post, going to try that out and see what happens.

'nite! :)

Talitha Koum said...

oh thankyou...i can only hope. "pick me, pick me"-some animal in Shrek 1. no seriously add me pliz. put it bak on. they r hardly ever used though on mine..i picked reactions that dont resonate wif all i guess...