Still here but J. I C

It is with great sadness that I announce

That one day,

Probably far 

Yet,

Possibly closer than you may

Wish,

I will die.

Perhaps before

or after

You.

And I will leave some One 

Or some More to mourn

My memories

And possible regrets:

Of

Never having fully known my heart;

Never having fully let me know yours;

Never having said it all

Or perhaps having said too much of it all.

Never anticipating

Never contemplating

I could leave

Forever.

Yet

It is with the same amount of joy

That angels will rejoice

That I have come to join the saints and the souls

Saved by My Father

Through His Son.

By name I may not know

But by heart and by lineage

We will recognize

One another.

Brothers.

Sisters.

Alike.

It is with great peace I leave

Having been allowed to

Simply

Merge my days with yours.

It is with elation,

I finally approach the Throne,

No longer pleading,

But rightfully standing

In the place He prepared for me.

It is with faith

That I leave you

Knowing I will see you

And be with you

Again.

Stripped off of these names and vanities!

Stripped off of this Pain, Anxiety and Doubt!

Stripped off of this armour!

(For I would have overcome

The king of this world)

Stripped from our own humanity

Yet clothed only in His glory.

It is by love I lived

And now,

It is for love,

I leave.

Peace be with you,

Till and beyond our next meeting.  

(in memory of my most dearly departed) 

Soulconomics ramblings

Background is that the TV stole my soul yesterday. All the damned pieces I had just recovered from the other soul stealer that was grief. I watched seven hours of it after a hard day at work. I allowed my subconscious to float through one show where a woman was watching her husband take a second wife. I watched her as she tried to hide her sense of loss so she could celebrate with him. Then I watched another man plant a seed of betrayal in another man’s marriage. I watched a man who was literally prepared to sell his father out for a prostitute.  In my relentless desire to continue my fall down the rabbit-hole; I found another show where a kid manipulates her entire family into believing she had unintentionally killed her half-brother. Oh let’s not even talk about the drama where an innocent man is framed and has to enter a guilty plea in order to serve a shorter sentence for something he has not done. I watched a family make money off of their beauty and scandalous lifestyles and twins who tried to kill themselves decades after their father had successfully done the same thing.  

Then I couldn’t fall asleep for ages wondering what the world, my world had become. And wondering even more, how on earth they had got me to sit there and be their primetime audience? How did I give away those hours of my life that I will never get back to people who will never know my name but know me as a statistic? How did they do it? Because I let them. Yes they have been marketing these things since I was a wee thing in my mother’s fallopian tubes and my father’s testes.  

I willingly opened the door to them by letting that little black box into my home and switching it on to serve my seemingly vapid life. Or so I thought. It seems I constantly have to remind myself that I am more than nothing and my life is full of more than nothingness due to all the marketing that is designed to make me believe I am nothing without that something on the shelves. So if I could just live my life in such a way that if I put it on film at the end of every single day-I would definitely be entertained and proud of who I am. I GAVE  a part of my soul to the producers, executive producers, and directors of other people’s lives yesterday.

But not today. Today I claim back what the Chinese stock exchange seems to be losing and what the European Union claims to be overwhelmed by-potential investors (in the latter case, they are in the form of ‘migrants’. I mean, if given the necessary tools, a refugee can be turned from a potential burden into an investor in any country but hey…). Potential investors in myself, in my being, in my business, in my career, in my life…. 

When you think you have nothing-you have nothing to work with. You have no inputs and therefore can expect no output from your efforts. But effort is an input that we all possess. As humans, we all have the gift of TRYING. And you are guaranteed something, anything out of those efforts but the key thing is to not be distracted from making the effort i.e. from implementing the TRYING strategy.  

I have noticed that any time I am distracted from my portfolio and the instruments that serve me well, my stock falls-soulstock, esteemstock, intelligencestock etc. And then I will need to regulate them again by increasing interest rates-it’s all time and energy consuming really-trying to increase the compliments for a job well done+capturing your lover’s focus on you all the time+still being the coolest mommy and employer EVER+ being a wonderful BFF + generally being a ‘cool kid’…  The level of difficulty in increasing energy levels has fallen obviously due to the easily accessible coffee that stimulates you within five minutes. Even though energy levels are more easily manipulated- the soul still requires more mechanisms to reach equilibrium and ‘aint nobody got time for that’. Once that curve moves away from the equilibrium-contentment-it’s quite hard to get it back because so many factors are involved.  

So long story short; on my production possibility curve I am going to reduce the time allocated to soul stealing TV shows and increase time improving other lifestyle variables such as my health with focus on inputs such as prayer, exercise, hobbies, rest, career, wifey and mommy tings alike.   

Nothing was stolen here. It’s just free market forces in play. Not to knock capitalism but some control measures need to be in place. I mean this girl can float but there really is no good reason to depreciate my currency at this time in my life. It should be on the up and up really. So excuse me while I go and court the right investors…..

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12.2

that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.…Ephesians 4. 22-24

How I feel about the article below......

 http://www.theybf.com/2015/01/27/wait-what-apc-founder-says-the-n-word-multiple-times-during-fall-fashion-show


if you look at it from the point of view of ghetto being a style not in the context of geography or income level then you may see the positive flip. it's unfortunate that it had to be this dude to sell it. He is basically saying rocawear/akoo clothing meeting parisian chic. we need to own the concept of ghetto chic before these already rich folk sell it to us like its nothing we were doing before. We may call Yeezy the sell-out but we are the ones buying the stuff 24-7 but when a N*GGA tries to sell it-we all like it's whack/ratchet/ghetto so Kanye's strategy is align yourself with the bougie and people will buy your ish. Let them sell it and say what they have to, to get you (black folk) interested in it because soon we will be rapping about it and sellin' it in videos and social media. You could start a label called 'N*ggarish' with absolute style, great fabric, expensive as h*ll and some hood aesthetic connoting power and beauty or not (however you may look at it) in it and sell it but we don't and someone beats us to it and we complain...when will we realise we have enough power to do things ourselves if we just got out of our feelings?......We are the New Classic (we are mad at Iggy because she said what we have been thinking all this time and she is the wrong colour)! N*ggas in Paris shouldn't be cool because it says we finally made it to Paris on aeroplanes--> it should mean Paris finally made a significant impact on us to venture there. An overall inferiority complex and 'covetousness' will make you believe that you are not something/someone until you are eating what they are eating next door and we need to shed it off. Just like the women are doing!  We have been the classic since before tea was discovered. Let's look at slavery and colonialism from a different perspective....we were well endowed and everybody in the world knew they couldn't get the fruits of capitalism if they didn't have a strong backbone. Biblically Pharaoh did not want to let the people go because it would mess with his money, his wealth. We are the wealth! We are the prosperity! Let's start allowing words like black, hood, ghetto, n*gga, african to represent class, power, strength, education, peace, unity and beauty not only because that's what sells (because people are drawn to success, beauty and wealth no matter how subtle it is-how else can you explain some of these crazy art pieces going for a million bucks? but i digress) but because that's what it truly means. Looking black is a compliment, being black is a blessing. Black is a system with authors, poets, entrepreneurs, millionaires and billionaires! I will be damned to have my daughter grow up in a world that doesn't define or perceive her blackness as such. But it has to start with us...we need to own what we call ourselves. The devil came to destroy and the best way to destroy something is to tear it apart-to divide it and picking on each other and selling off one another to illuminatis, bad 'gay' or 'straight' rumors is how it happens. Have you ever seen on E!News-no matter how bad LiLo gets, they still talk about her and feature her and invite her to things; and Charlie Sheen? Kendra was a playboy bunny yall; no matter how bad the other 'presidents' were to a certain race, they are still revered and celebrated...they stick together like white on rice. They don't take each other to the Hague! Or crucify each other for sitting front row at fashion shows or call each other out on fake pregnancies. They are a team! They pool their wealth together and start banks, provide loans and insurance, give each other scripts and jobs and accolades. The G8? We need to be like that, like black on ice #rantoverfornow.

Human

So when did we all just stop being human
And become Muslims, Christians, Jewish, Hindu, Buddist....
When did we all become
just black or white, Indian, Chinese, Native American, muslim, christian, jewish, hindu, buddist, gay straight....
When did we all decide to be warful....
When did we decide to become sensitive about tweets, cartoons, instapics?
When things keep coming and stealing our children's purity, and our children!
Wait, let that sink in,
Before we talk about the
Debauchery of our daughters and mothers' sacredness, robbery of our sons' strength and the larceny of our fathers' wealth and egos
The 100 'damnations' on our inheritance
Our lost humanity!

So we keep silent
In the face of drugs stealing our sanity; guns hosing down our homes; magazines stealing our identity..making us paper-thin till nothing is within.....
Till nothing matters.
Till nothing matters.
Except getting a few fickle followers and them advertising dollars!
We now all have the same accent,
Thank you globalization!
But no realization
That we are one!
One debased race with many faces.

So we build bombs, sell guns,
We even build the internet to find recipes...
To kill ourselves?
Then we send drones, humanitarian aid, have talks and all sorts of measures to save ourselves?
Yet we discriminate who gets on the planes to get the aid,
Yall remember Hotel Rwanda?
We make a script, we shoot a video, we shed a few, enslave a few...
Still no apologies, just a few dollars and the news talks about how they got an Oscar!
And we go ahead and bury our dead on credit!
Along with our integrity because tomorrow-we have to have forgotten this
So we can all just get along!

But we still won't know what it means to be who we are
We are so stuck in who we have become
black, white, ghetto, jew, rich, poor, terrorist, black, white, yogi, fatty, pop, democrat, hip hop, hip-pop liberal, dictator, fundamentalist?
Freedom of speech? 
Is this all it means to be human?

They will ask us and we won't know...
We will switch the channel to some reality show
To let them know
What the others have become
To get a paycheck
To get fame
To get a vote
To get a life
That is a lie
And say maybe this is who you can be...
You see son, 
Somewhere along the line
Someone forgot no someone Grainge chose....
To teach us how not to be human.

We can say devil and f&*k but we can never say God in a picture
The same policy used for the word 'NIGGA' and for Malboro Lights?
Let Yeezy get mad about a pole
Then we publish that!
Let people get mad about no 'living rights' and about not being able to breathe...
Watch Dailymail put a pic of someone's lard...
So we all get offended and distracted at that.

Being human, my kid is being mad at it all and not shootin' someone up!
You can't learn nothing when you dead
And neither can they!
True, you can teach from beyond-
But try and live for as long as you can
Because this ish always sounds better in your own tone..
They may not get it now
Or never get it forever..
But Jesus did it and this world is kind of better....
@Mamunaye

Dear you

In the beginning,

I needed you to want me,

To compliment me,

To touch me.

In the beginning I needed you

To make me feel strong,

To make me feel beautiful

Or just to feel.

In the beginning,

I needed you to teach me

To learn me

To keep me in check.

In the beginning,

I needed

you

John 15.19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you

To be or not to be....woman, wife, mother

To live to be called a daughter, a woman, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother- I have had to be more than all these people call me. I have had to side-step the labels, the budgets, the haters as you call them now. I have had to respect myself above all things.I have had to honor that whatever God placed within me is sufficient to be called by all these names. I have had to believe that His Spirit lived in me. I have had to understand that His laws were written on my heart before I was born. I have had to learn to obey them since my youth.

Before I could obey or listen to your grandfather-I had to answer to the law of my father's house exercised by my mother. I had to do a lot of what I had to. When I asked the Lord to examine my heart to see my intentions-if he found anything amiss, He would chastise me before my mother spoke a word. But if I had already gone ahead without listening to Him, then my mother would speak and my father would act. To be a daughter; I brought joy, lessons, tears, conditional hate and unconditional love to my family. I was a carrier of my parents' legacy into my own home and life.

To be called a woman, I had to realise above everything that I was beautiful and... Beautiful and respectful, beautiful and intelligent, beautiful and humble, beautiful and peacable, beautiful with a purpose, beautiful and belonging to a Being higher than my own.

To be  called a wife: I had to heed his call. I had to accept the love and the awe he felt toward me. But I had to refuse the pedestal he offered and settle for the dust he walked on. I had to give him back everything he gave me all the days of his life and every single of mine. I had to repackage the love he gave me with respect. I had to repackage the orders he gave with loving instructions. I had to repackage his anger with concern. I had to repackage his somewhat wondering eye with more of my wiles. I had to repackage his sullenness with mystery. I had to repackage his drive with support; his plans with my action; his lack with my encouragement; his fear with my solace; his angst with my calm; his ego with my humility; his strength with my grace; his quietness with my thoughts and of course his thoughts always remained his. I lost myself in him, with him and by him...because I had given myself to him.

To be called a mother: I let every single one of my babies suckle life from me for as long as they needed. I let them learn with their hands; listen with their feet; act with their minds and love with all that is within them off course. I wonder if they took it too literally though. I taught them to teach and lead. I would not allow them to be followers. My children were the precedence-the pioneers.  I would never let them fight with their hands but with their dreams. I taught them from God's book. I sang to them from God's hymns. I loved their friends, cousins and neighbours so they would be close to me always. There is no place where they went that I never knew of, even if they thought they were far off. I enriched the community so much that I was not afraid if the community were to raise them because I had raised it.

To be called a grandmother: I let my children marry or be married and go forth and procreate. I opened my home to all my children's children. I kept the law and showed it to them. I made the meals they loved; the prayers they needed; the solace they sought and the authority they craved. I let their mothers be strong and impart their lessons. I learned from them too. I kept my tradition, my consistency, my strength.

To be called a great grandmother: By this time I had lost my sight but not my vision nor His vision. I heard my great grandchildren call me.I felt each of their soft hands caress mine. I felt them stare and wonder about who I was and what I meant. I stuck around. I let them bury me in their archives alongside the pyramids. I let them hear stories about me.

To be a daughter, woman, wife, grandmother, great grandmother is something I can hopefully pass on to you. To excel in these things is not by knowing it all nor doing it all-it is by just being. Everything you are or intended to be is on the palms of your hands. When you came into this world-your little hands were balled into fists. You were carrying the manuscript and all the gifts that God knew you would need to Be. 

Sin-seedy

Seed seed seeds...the world keeps trying to plant seeds within me, should I let them grow or should I just say no...seeds seeds seeds....too late...planted, cultivated, grown, plucked too soon and sold to the highest and the lowest bidder-this cheap seed that is free for all yet...costs your all. Forgive us all!

How great is your mercy?

Eph 2:3-5 (NIV) ...Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

My husband and I have been working with a young man over the last year. He is like the family assistant who runs errands and does what needs to be done when we are unable to pull ourselves from what we have to do. This man has entered our home, played with our daughter who is absolutely enamored with him by the way. He has traveled with us and been on the craziest journeys just to hand over a tit-bit of paper to us. And we have ben grateful in spirit, in kind and in hard cash. We thanked God for this young man’s loyalty and faithfulness. We thanked God for his obedience and trustworthiness.

Recently, we became aware that he had been a ‘some-what’ criminal in his past life and some of his shortcomings had come back to haunt him. There is always consequence to our sinful nature. Needless to say, he called out to us and we bailed him out and we did. (in retrospect, he probably called out to God and God called us). I swear for a long time after that-I had a Jesus complex; thinking since we had saved him, he owed us even more in the belief that the more someone is forgiven; the more love and loyalty they will have for you. As we do with God-the greater sins He has forgiven us, the more we love and honor Him. I forgot I wasn’t God. And this fellow owed my family nothing, zilch. We hadn’t bought twenty years of his life with what we had done. We had been obedient to God and done what we had to do but the glory belonged to the Lord and that is where his debt was cancelled. 

Recently, he betrayed us with lies and theft and the old run around. I wanted to skin him alive and expose his innards to the crows and then watch him beg for his life. I wanted that Law and Order type of justice inflicted on him. I couldn’t do it myself and I thought my husband would. So inside, I waited for his demise but it never came. Instead all I got was ‘I will handle it’. This was not an episode of Scandal! But I waited for the ‘handling’ until I couldn’t anymore and I concocted to bring this young fellow down to size with my own words. I wrote a long text message fully expressing my wrath and what type of punishment God would inflict on Him and I sent it…………….to my husband for spell check. LSS, he told me to leave it alone and ‘he would deal with it’.  

My heart ached. I felt the energy fuelled by my anger leave my body. All I wanted to do was cry! And cry! I bought a few tracks from Itunes that I expected would have enough bass to push me out of this mood. I turned to Christian podcasts to help me out of this sad hole that I had obviously dug for someone else. The hole of shame and disdain and I was its only occupant!

I learned a few things today- when God says I will deal with it and that He is the judge-He truly will and He truly is. I am nowhere near the courts and I cannot even make a recommendation. God is wise enough to know what to do about his children. I must leave His children to Him. I must let go. 

The second thing is- I don’t’ always like the idea that God is merciful and gracious to ‘other people’ and sometimes that is why I hang on to my anger because then I can exact my wrath on them before God extends His mercy. And that is why I refuse to let go and let God. Because I know God is ‘nice and forgiving’ since He once extended His goodness to me too. Yes, God is the great restorer and healer.

This young man inherited some definite flaws which God revealed to us before and allowed us to bail him out. I have to remember his need for restoration before I remember my need for revenge.

I learned that I must trust my husband and submit to him. If I learn to do this, it will make it easier to submit  to God. 

The stories of Joseph and Jacob being deceived and getting over it are an amazing inspiration to me. These guys are heroes! We are created for such a time as this and God will lead us out of hard situations that others put us in and take us toward higher ground. He works it for the good of all those who love Him. I pray I love Him more for all our sakes. 

I must be wise enough not to be deceived anymore and I must know that there are people who will choose darkness over light and it is good to weep for their souls and pray for them. And forgive them. And hand them over to the Lord. 

I would like to acknowledge Ps Doery's podcast on ‘5 things God uses to put iron in your soul’ and the Bible Study Guide ‘Have you been deceived?’ article.  And God…..He is a great restorer and He has made the impossible, possible, through His unending mercy.